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Gail's Story, 2024

Allie and Gail discuss Gail’s early childhood years and her struggle with loneliness and isolation, due to how people viewed her because her sister was Autistic. Gail discusses as she grew up how she experienced loneliness, how she advocated for autism in her teaching career, and how she overcame isolation.

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n my younger years, I grew up, with a mom who was mentally ill and a sister who was severely autistic. I endured years of shunning with my sister whenever I would go out because her social skills were really rudimentary. And, when we would go somewhere, there were plenty of times when her behavior was not good, so people shunned her. I began to fear rejection, and I still do today. Loneliness took over when I was with my sister, and I was rejected or felt that way.

Since I had been so involved with an autistic person, I began to care for her as others, and others with my mother because no there was nobody else to care for them. I had a mother, but her mental illness limited our relationship, which I so desired. So that was more loneliness. I I had no one to talk to. So, I just buried my feelings.

I was embarrassed to speak to friends about my life. I feared being a failure with friends that I had, and I tried to smile and laugh. I used to try to joke a lot, but I never told anybody about my house, things that were going on. And I'd never developed close friendships. I had lots of friends, but I didn't have any close friendships.

And I find that even today, two years after my sister has passed, that I almost need to take a course to help me attain close friendships. And I took a quote from the book that I really enjoyed. It says, if you don't let people in and you don't let yourself get too close, you can't get stomped out again. Loneliness seems to be the antidote against threat of hurt, although it imprisons you. And that's how I was.

I just didn't I, I would talk to people, but I would be afraid to go too far. My risk of loneliness has been very high. Because I had adverse childhood experiences, both mental illness and severe autism left me afraid of life. So in in search of therapy, I was able to get a wonderful therapist. I mean, she has been everything to me.

I spent ten years with her, and she helped me get past my struggle struggles. She also worked with me to meet people and to become caring, and I feel very, very lucky because of it.

University of Massachusetts Amherst

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