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Judy's Story

Jessica interviews Judy about her relationship with her mother, delving into Judy's past through letters exchanged between them from childhood to adulthood. As Judy revisits these correspondences, she navigates the highs and lows of their relationship, exploring the deep bond between mother and daughter.

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My relationship with my mother, as soon as I went away from home, which was at age 15, was conducted so about 90% through written the written word, through letters, in rereading these letters, astonished to discover the constancy of the letters and the constancy of our checking in with each other about how we're each doing as a as the mother and as the daughter. It was a very hard time in my life. I was very homesick, and I didn't make friends easily or soon. And I I was like, I didn't quite fit in with these more sophisticated girls. And, and my mother, I I've never really thought much about how she felt about sending me away.

It is just what happened in our family. And yeah, this is a letter that I wrote that very first year. And so, she says, or I say to her, I never ever wanna hear you say to any one of your four children that you were a poor mother. Every day, I'm finding more evidence of the falseness of that statement. Today at lunch, we were discussing different kinds of schools.

I could hardly believe one girl who said that high schools are as good as private schools. We are just being caged here, and Dobbs is like a prison. Everything is dreadful. And the girls would like more than anything to go to a high school like normal people do, and they're never gonna be so cruel as to send their children to any private school, etcetera, etcetera. Well, I continue on.

I said, I find that to be the attitude of far too many people, but I've been brought up with a different set of standards, which I know deep down are right and true. And mommy, if you had been like a majority of mothers, I too might have gone around with a frown on my face hating and despising that which is being done for my profit. I think I can fully appreciate all that you've done for me, unless it, by some unfortunate circumstance, should be taken away from me. And then in the grim reality, I could really comprehend its value. But I'm trying with all my heart.

I am to realize what you and daddy have given me. I kind of laugh inside myself when I hear the kids bemoaning their fateful destiny, and I silently make a prayer of gratitude for my perspective on life, which no one but you and daddy could give me. This may sound queer, but please don't laugh. I got rather carried away. I love you so very, very much.

But all I can do is say thank you to the most wonderful mother in the world, who I can only dream of being half as successful and who, in my mind, has never failed. This is the letter my mother wrote to me after she left me at school. She said, Judy, my dear, dear daughter, it seems unreal that you are at Dobbs. I have to pinch myself and really believe it. I've been thinking about the day when my daughter would be at Dobbs for twenty-five years, and it's hard to realize it's come true.

I felt sort of teary myself last night on the train, and the house seems strange and empty without you. This is a hard time for both of us, but we can't gain anything without sacrificing something, and that gets truer and truer the longer you live. You go right ahead and be a little homesick if you want, but not enough to make you unhappy. And if at the end of the year you don't wanna stay, you don't have to. I know it'll take a couple of weeks, just a couple of weeks.

It took me a couple of years to feel familiar and to know your way around, so don't get blue or upset. Darling, I'm sorry that I lectured you so much these last weeks. Put it down to an anxious and loving parent trying to arm her offspring as best she could and make her child strong and secure in a strange world. Reading these letters has just brought back I just see her in the fullness of her being now, and I and I just appreciate all that she was able to provide me. And it was an awful lot to deal with.

And, in her steady voice of admiration, that's what came through. She admired me. She tracked my life. I I let her know in meticulous detail everything that was going on. And I think for me to have that prop throughout my life was invaluable.

Just a great blessing.

University of Massachusetts Amherst

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