Katerina's Story

Interviewer: Tell me about something that’s changed your perspective in life.

Katerina: For me, there is no single event in my life that changed my perspective. It was rather a series of events. When I was in middle school, my dad was first diagnosed with cancer. My parents sent me away the weekend of his surgery. They didn't really want me exposed to what was going on. I always had the sneaking suspicion that something wasn't right. After I found out, I was upset with my parents that they didn't tell me. I know they were just trying to, like, protect me. What I knew about, it was the only thing they had control of still at the moment.

Thankfully, my dad was okay. But he was not the only one in my life that was struggling with that. My Uncle, Tony, he had been diagnosed with cancer around the same time my dad was. He fought off for a long time, but then everything all at once seemed to come crashing down again. My uncle on my mom's side, my Uncle Vasili or my Uncle Billy, out of the blue, he had been diagnosed with a rare blood cancer. At the same time, my Uncle Tony's cancer had come back.

And I remember visiting my Uncle Tony in Florida, and my mom had put him on the phone with my Uncle Billy so they could talk about their experience together. And neither of them knew each other very well. And I just remember them reassuring each other that each other would be okay and they are fighters and they would fight it together.

Unfortunately, both of them passed on, and I just felt very stuck and I felt guilty. I hadn't been able to say goodbye to either of them, or I was so sure that they would be okay after that. I remember both of them fondly. I was just very upset that I wasn't able to not even attend the funeral for my Uncle Tony cause he was in Florida. And it was just a sad time with things that seemed to keep happening.

Then this past summer, I took a big trip to Europe with my friends that lasted about five weeks. We hit five different countries and it was actually very fun. And I knew my parents would be upset when I told them because I'd never done much without them. But when I told them, my mom was particularly angry for a bit, but then she mellowed out and was saying things like, it's okay. You need to enjoy life and enjoy these moments because they're rare.

So I went. When I came back, my dad asked me to go for a ride in the car with him. It was the middle of summer, right before my birthday. That was the car ride where he told me he was sick again. Now my mom's angry reaction and then her sappy things kind of made sense to me. He told me not to cry or be sad because I was a strong one and he would be okay.

I remember I started to take more pictures of my dad, had a full head of black hair and it even survived his first round of cancer. So I started taking pictures, cause I want to remember what he looked like before things changed even more.

So much changed, both with him physically and with things in my family dynamic. I noticed how weak and sick he was. My mom's tremendous levels of stress. When you told people how, like, pitiful they would be.

I was forced to pay attention to my own guilt. I remember I felt guilty for even going on my trip, and I felt guilty for celebrating my birthday, and I felt guilty to even tell people, and then I felt guilty for coming back to school. I think my family was used to dealing and guilt. So much has happened in our past history with illness and death. It has become something I become accustomed to, feeling guilty for being happy and living life. While so many people are struggling, it's not easy to enjoy and remember that good things are still happening.

I think that's changed my perspective on life, because while I had felt guilty for so long, no one wants anyone to feel guilty for enjoying things. It's not like their whole life was just this event. They had a whole history of good things that happened to them. And they want me to make those memories too. And my dad is okay now, thankfully. He had his surgery, and he is okay.

Currently, as I'm about to graduate, very stressed about finding a job, very much in my head, um, about leaving my family. I need to remember not to worry so much about what could happen. I've learned to be very appreciative of every moment and life as I have it.