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MaryBeth's Story

Marybeth tells the story about her first time being intimate with her partner while attending college. She goes on to explain the journey of her pregnancy and reconnecting with her daughter years later.

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When I transferred from my Catholic girls college in Denver to the University of Connecticut and, in the middle of my junior year. And I transferred because my boyfriend, Skip, had been really begging me to transfer, and I finally was able to convince my father. So, I'm at UConn. That was a lonely year transferring in, and, about a year goes by, Go to Ale’s, which was the local bar, and run into Skip and was about to leave because it was in the Vietnam era, and it was about to leave for boot camp. So, we hooked up that night, but my period never came, and but I've ignored it pretty much because I, I knew I couldn't be pregnant because I knew I hadn't had sex.

And so that went on for a number of months. I think it was really about six months until I had had to get Marybeth. You are pregnant. And I because I couldn't remember any of it, I thought this is this can't be happening. I went home after that semester and moped around the house a little bit.

And then my mother said to me one day, Marybeth, are you pregnant? And she put her arms around me, and I just cried and cried and cried. Just the relief of being known worked with me to keep it quiet for my siblings and everybody. And we planned on, me going to we lived in Connecticut. I'm going to Boston and, got an apartment, a basement apartment, and I spent the summer in this, apartment.

This whole year, I've been thinking lonely. I think I probably have never been as lonely as then. Anyway, so September comes, and I go to the hospital. And I don't remember anything at all about the labor. When I did wake up, there was this baby girl.

And the whole time that I was pregnant, I only imagined this thing in my stomach that was changing life for me in in ways that just seemed crazy and certainly nothing that I could relate to. Mhmm. Until after the birth, and there she was. And so, for the three days that I was in the hospital, she was there, with me. And getting to know her, I just was blown away with her presence and her beauty and her wisdom.

It you know, I just I did she just I just this was an amazing thing, and I fell totally in love. And surprisingly, because, you know, I just wanted this to be over, and that was it. But so, three days goes by, and then it's time to say goodbye. And that was probably the hardest thing that I've ever done at the same time knowing to my core that it wasn't time for me to be a mother, that I couldn't be a mother, that I wasn't the right mother, that she would be would be unfair for her to be with me as the mother, that she would be going to the right mother. And so, I said goodbye and, went back to school for my last semester at UConn.

Anyway, we later married. I still felt all kinds of shame from that birth and, but we tried hard and got pregnant and again and had Jamie. And, you know, so and I realized that, so Jamie is Anne's This baby's Anne's full sister. So, I started, right, you know, trying to figure out what I would do about that. Mhmm.

So, when she was 25, we I found her. I had an organization that found her, and I wrote a letter to her. Dear Anne, I have waited twenty five years to write this letter. Hopefully, it is the right time for you. On 09/07/1967, I gave birth to a baby girl who was later adopted as Anne Markham Kelly.

I believe you are this child. You have been in my thoughts and in my heart and in my prayers all these years. Just recently, I did a search to locate you. I learned that you live with your father at this address and that your mother is deceased. It seemed that writing this letter would be the best way to contact you.

At the time of your birth, I felt far from being the person to raise you. You deserved more. Somehow, I knew that I was not to be your mother, that you were going through me to just the right parents. I have always been grateful to your mother and father for wanting and loving and choosing you. I remember spending those days in the hospital with you.

Although you were only hours old, I was struck by your spirit. It was obvious to me that you were a special being with a wise and beautiful nature. I later married and gave birth to another child. Her name is Jamie. She is 18 years old and is your full sister.

I separated from her father fifteen years ago, but we are all on good terms with one another. Jamie and I have longed to get to know you. You may not be interested, and this we would understand. However, we are hopeful that you will call or write. We would like to meet your father as well.

I have enclosed a note for you to give him. So now Anne is the mother of seven children, seven amazing children. She's an incredible mother. Just and just a well-loved, liked, valued person. So, we continue we continue to be close and connected.

University of Massachusetts Amherst

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