top of page

Sanjana's Story

Sanjana discusses her relationship with her mother and how it has changed over time. She talks about her upbringing in an immigrant family, and how understanding those circumstances helped her understand her mother’s lived experiences, bringing them infinitely closer.

00:00 / 04:23

When I was a kid or, honestly, even farther back when my parents first got married, it was very, very traditional, very a very traditional sort of Indian people marriage. It was arranged. They didn't really know each other until they met for the first time, which was when they got engaged. My mom was twenty one. This was right before her 20 birthday, and I turned 22 recently.

And so, we had this very interesting conversation. And so, she followed my dad's lead. And and a lot of people in my dad's family, she followed their lead because that was sort of the expectation that was had over there. And one thing to note about my dad's family is my dad is in a completely different generation from the rest of his siblings, and his siblings are a lot more socially conservative. They have different values than he does.

And so, me pursuing medicine, for example, was something that my dad was all in about, and he's so excited about it. But his siblings are like, oh, but she's gonna be so old. When she gets out of school, like, when she gonna get married, when she, like, gonna have a family, like, my mother kinda had to go along with that when she herself had been raised in an extremely feminist household. And so, it was a culture shock for her, but she also felt that, you know, because of the social structures that surrounded her, she had to keep the peace. And so, when I was a kid, I was very rebellious, and I was very like, I I did not I always questioned a rule whenever it was placed before the end.

So, my mom, because she enforced the rules that I didn't like, I often, you know, almost villainized her for a little bit. And I never really understood the dynamics of an immigrant family that's trying to like, it and it's not even like my dad espoused half of these values. It's just he wanted to keep the peace within his family too. And so, I never liked the fact that she did that, and that was always something that I thought was absurd. I was like, you don't even believe this.

Why are you why are you enforcing it? Why are you making me do it? And that's the same thing with, like, education, and I'm always someone who believes that there should be a balance between fun and education. And for her, you know, as an immigrant, it's you know, your education is your only pathway to life in a country that's new. And so, you know, long story short, she always enforced things that I never believed in.

It was something that I I you know, we fought about it, like, every day, so we were not close. Like, there were there are things in my life. Like, my first boyfriend, she did not know existed. And I'm looking back on it now. It would have been such a fun thing to talk to her about.


It would have been such a great thing to talk to her about. And when it ended, it would have been so great to have her there, but I just didn't see her as someone who would support me back then. And then COVID happened, and we had to spend a lot more time together where I was sort of growing into an adult. I was growing into someone who started to make her own decisions based on, you know, what she believed in. And so, I, you know, sort of grew into my own a little bit, and I also got to see her as someone who's also living life for the first time.

As I started to make, you know, my first set of, like, big mistakes, I realized that she, at, like, like, very close to the age I am now, moved to a completely different country and had almost no lifeline and was forced to sort of keep the peace and have that responsibility shouldered that that she did not need to have. But she was because of just the way that that Indian society worked back then. And Indian society followed her, like, all the way back all the way to The United States, and it it still follows her. And I also learned about what she believes in. I realized that she grew up in an extremely feminist household that, like, my grandmother left an abusive marriage and raised, like, kids all by herself.

Her cousins were raised by a single mother. And so, a lot of that was very empowering my and so I began to appreciate her and the, you know, the behind the scenes work that she did for our family a lot more as I got to know her, and I started talking to her a lot more. And I realized we're way more similar than most people think. Before then, it would just be like, oh, you look like your mom. And I'd be like, I am nothing like my mom.


But now when people say I'm like my mom, it is, like, the greatest compliment that I could ever receive because she is, like, the strongest, most steadfast human being I've ever known. She's been, like, the most unexpected lifeline for me. Really, really grown to appreciate the person that, you know, that she is, and that makes me just want to know her a lot more

University of Massachusetts Amherst

©2022 by University of Massachusetts Amherst. Proudly created with Wix.com

Next
bottom of page