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< Back Rachel's Story Rachel discusses feeling like she didn’t belong in her hometown community or as she transitioned to college.She talks about her social anxiety and reflects on what it was like to break free from this. She wants people to pay attention to college students’ mental health. 00:00 / 05:31 Previous Next

< Back Pat's Story Pat speaks about her journey in Little Falls, Minnesota. Here, she went on a profound healing journey and learned the power of forgiveness. While in Little Falls she met a special friend who showed her what she had been longing for. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 04:43 So this was a bit of my experience at Little Falls. Every day in the time I was there, there was profound healing experiences, there was all kinds of exercises some would say exercisims ya know where I went back and new relations to my parents wrote letters to them from me and to them umm and I felt like okay Ive done this already ya know I have gone through all the hell of my childhood. Was this really worth the airfare? Um well as it turns out it really was okay so after I wrote letters about my rage and hurt I wrote letters from them to me explaining why they were such a mess and why they were such awful parents and that was a killer I could begin to really understand how miserable their lives were the empathetic ya know writing these letters was very powerful at the end of it we had a big ceremony to burn all of the letters letting them go, watching the ashes rise float away which was providing us with a bit of healing and a chance of freedom I hope. So after breakfast, we got our coats on and we were asked to line up outside no explanation of why the sisters who lived there the residents came out and walked our line, handing each of us two red carnations cynicism was creeping into my mind our assignment this was so weird was to walk in a line all 30 of us in silence to a cemetery that was on the property and once we got to the gate of the cemetery we were to disperse and find graves that might have been those of our parents whether they were actually alive or dead we would lay down our carnations and say a final goodbye okay for some reason this struck me absolutely ridiculous, ludicrous and as I watched the 29 other walk into this vast catholic cemetery to find their parents quote on quote parents graves I refused to participate I was rebeling enough already Ill show they I just stand here after some time I have no idea how long I got bored standing there along and decided to walk in and wonder amid the graves I hadnt walked 100 feet when I looked down and what I saw in this catholic cemetery in this monastery were 2 grave stones side by side with Jewish stars this was too weird to be a coidindence so I stopped I knelt down for a closer look and something broke in me something big it was like flood gates opened as I started to do as I was told and say goodbye and complete my assignment I started to sob I mean serious unstoppable sobs like years and years of sobs and as the tears fell on my carnations I felt such deep sadness for them, my parents, for me for lost opprotunites for all those years I felt reallt sad my mother had died young at 60 well before I had developed any understanding of her pain and the lonliness that caused her bahvior and Id never be able to tell her I understood and was sorry for my contributions to that I never had a chance to tell her I really loved her I have no idea how long I stood there sobbing years and years when suddenly I felt this very gentle arm around my shoulder a gentle touch which brought me back and i looked up to see that tiny frail indian women in her street clothes who looked to me for support earlier that week holding me with a betivic smile on her face she gently helped me up and held me for a few moments she said shed been worried when she didnt see me back at the house and became worried for me And as she held me and she stroked my hair im crying just thinking about it and told me that she loved me and in that moment I experienced unconditional love for the first time and I understood that above all else thats what id been weeping for. Previous Next

< Back Raluca's Story Raluca’s family immigrated to America when she was 6 years old. At first, she didn’t fully understand or appreciate her family background or Romanian culture. Most of all, she disliked her name and wanted nothing more but to change it one day. She grew up embarrassed about who she was–but after going back to her country for the first time again at 16 years old, everything changed. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 04:23 I remember that when I was little my Grandma would tell me stories about this Greek princess named Rulu and how my name Raluca came from her. I was born in Romania and when I was 6 years old we came to the United States for a new and better life. In first grade in America, I noticed that no one could really pronounce my name correctly, everyone always seemed to ask me oh what kind of name is that? And it didn't take very long for me to become very sick and tired of hearing that question. My move to a new country brought many many changes, most of which I was too young to understand completely. Something I did realize however was I was really excited to come here and I remember my family was crying when we left, but I didn't understand why until I grew up a little bit more. I worked really hard to fit in because my biggest nightmare was just standing out in a crowd and I really tried to change myself to belong here. Whenever I met a new friend when I was growing up I would just tell them my name was something else and I would make up a name that was American because I wanted to pretend, just to see what it was like for a moment to be what I thought was normal. The thing that embarrassed me the most at the time was my parents and their accents. Especially my Dad, with his big thick Romanian accent, whenever we were in public I would sush them if they dared speak to me in Romanian or I would block my ears and I would say shhh. I remember just being so mad that they had accents, but I think that also comes with maturity at the time I just didn’t understand. Looking back I feel so awful now because of thinking like that just when I was little and I didnt know any better but now I look at that with admiration and respect and so much appreciation and I think that I would never get mad at them now for being talked down to because of their accents. I never understood at the time how much my parents sacrificed for us and how hard they had to work to give us this glamorous life that we were able to have. I went from being just so embarrassed about my name and my culture and my parents and not being American to having this admiration and respect for it all when I was 16 years old. 10 years after our move to America, we went back to Romania for the first time. The city I am from is called Yash, there are these beautiful flowers blooming all in the trees there called florile de tei. What amazed me the most about my country really was meeting the people there. I felt like I saw kindness like I haven't really seen in America and I felt love like I never felt and I just felt this sense of belonging that I didn't feel here. I just felt like I was torn away from my home and that this is where I really belonged and my parents took me away and I had no say in that so I started questioning you know why did we leave. I just realized that this America had a better life for me but at the same time I grew up without my family. I guess it just made me realize that these are the only people that truly matter and honestly if anyone ever judged me in this country that it didn't matter that much. Previous Next

< Back Kathleen's Story 00:00 / 04:16 Yeah. So, Sarah's my second child. And, and I feel like just to bring her into the world, when I was pregnant, I actually knew who she was. You know, I remember thinking if they say, oh, you have a little boy, I would have said, no. That's Sarah. She was named and all before she came. It's my grandmother's name. So, I knew her, and I expected her. So, she came out as Sarah, and she has been, just a little one who has been on her own. So, she had her own way of doing things. And she occasionally would look back at me, but she knew where she wanted to go all her life. She had a she had a path and she was easily stepping into new things. She was 16. She had a boyfriend. And of course, I wasn't really happy with him. He was a year older than her, and he was like this wild guy. And I thought, not for my sweet little one. I wasn't real supportive of that, but, and turns out, he is just the best person ever to be in our family. So, they ended up getting married. Sarah actually wore my mother's wedding dress. So, she continued with that tradition of a traditional wedding dress. At their at their wedding, they honored my parents. It was their fiftieth wedding anniversary. So, it was just, just such proud moments that she has created, and she created her wedding. I made, I crocheted this netting that went over an arch, and it had silk leaves on it because she wanted to be she loved being in the woods and the forest, and she wanted to have an autumn wedding, but she was married in April. So, this kind of gave that gesture of her being married in the forest. And that was just, yeah, just lovely to offer to her. And so, they got married and lived in the same town we did. She, yeah, she doesn't knock on my door very much saying, mom, this is what I'm doing, or she doesn't she has a lovely relationship with her husband. Yeah. She didn't come to me for problems or things like that. So, they decided they wanted to move away, and they went to all different places in the country. And it just didn't feel right. So, I knew about North Hampton, and I found this Airbnb, and I gave them this gift of coming up for the weekend to check it out, and they loved it. So, they moved up here and started their life. And after two years, I would come up and stay with them, you know, for the weekend. And that was so lovely to live with someone rather than just visit. So, to spend a little time with them and see their world. Yeah. And after two years, they said, why don't you and why don't you and dad come up? Just move up here. So, I'm a smart mama. And when my daughter asked me to go somewhere, I do it. So, we figured out how to do it. So, we came up. We moved up here and continued to, to do our work. And we came and they found a house and we're three blocks from them. And the wonderful thing about that is eventually, Sarah's forty four now, they eventually, had a little a little boy who is a foster boy that they, that they had at three months old, and then they adopted him. And so, we came into this as a family. So now I'm a granny, and the best thing about being a granny is she drops him off, and I get to see my daughter, and we get to chat. And then she picks him up, and we get to chat some more. But my real conversation comes from her husband who tells me every single thing that's going on Previous Next

< Back Juli's Story Juli speaks with Jacqueline about her time at summer camp as a kid. At this camp, Juli met someone who didn’t fit in. But Juli learned how a little kindness could go a long way. 00:00 / 02:06 Yeah I think I don't know how old I was maybe 10 years old and it was ya know mostly I went to summer camp ya know girl scout camps but it was a camp at the end of camp um they always had this big campfire at the end of the week at camp and everyone would come and they gave an award it was like a good citizen award to the person who best exemplified the values of ya know camping and girl scouting and I got the award It shocked me cause I didn't feel like I distinguished myself in anyway at that point I didn't really excel as a student when was young it wasn't until i got older but um and I realized and I had to think about it for a few minutes why did they give me this and i think it was because there was a girl who was assigned to my tent that year and I always went by myself I didn't know other campers and it wa a tent with 4 cots one of the girls was um she was clearly from a poor family probably there on a grant and um she was very awkward very awkward physically and socially and ya know just had a hard time fitting in ya know and that was clear to me and the other 2 girls in our tent wanted absolutely nothing to do with her and so I always made sure ya know when we go out for walks in the woods wed have to have a buddy and I would ask her to be my buddy and I made sure she wasn't sitting alone um at meal times um ya know I just tried to be kind with her even though I didn't really connect with her cause she wasn't easy to engage with but I just tried to be kind and I think that's why I got the award and it was an important lesson to me ya know the value of kindness Previous Next

< Back Julia's Story Julia reflects on what her life might look like in sixty years. She explains her values and emphasis on how she strives to be someone her family and others can lean on. 00:00 / 03:43 Jonathan: “When somebody says to you ‘in 50 or 60 years you will be in your late 70s’ and let’s assume that you're moderately healthy, what comes to your head?” Julia: “So trying to look into the future like that, I say what first comes to mind is thinking about my family. Um, I have an older sister who right now is 24 so 60 years from now, she’ll be 84. And then I have two younger brothers, one who is about to be 18 so he’ll be 78 from now. Then I have a youngest brother who just turned 14 so he’ll be 74 but I hope that 60 years from now we’re all still close together–I hope we’re all still around. But um, I see family being a big part of my life. I always love looking forward to going home. I’m from Eastern, Mass. so if I want to spend a weekend back home I have that ability to just drive back. Um, I hope that that’s the kind of relationship that I have 60 years from now. I hope that I’m able to still hold onto that connection with my siblings.” Jonathan: “Do you think that this family relationship is equally as important to your brothers and sister? Do you think they would say the same?” Julia: “I hope they would say the same! Um, I’m not positive I mean my older sister–she is very–she heavily prioritizes relationships with people so outside of family she is very much so always putting herself out and trying to stay connected with her friends from highschool and from college. On the contrary, I’d say I’m the opposite of her. I like having friends and I love knowing people but also I’ve always been a busy person and I’m okay with doing my own thing and if I know people and have people to hang out with that’s great but if not, I’m still okay with continuing to be individual. I think I will continue to keep a strong relationship with my siblings and if I have a spouse, them–being able to keep a strong relationship with them and their family ‘cause I love having big get-togethers and catching up with people. And I value the relationship with a few people as long as it's a strong one and genuine.” Jonathan: “Assuming that–maybe it’s the wrong assumption–but assuming for the moment that your partner/you’re married or whatever in 50 or 60 years, how important is it that that person be close to your siblings?” Julia: “Um, I think it’s pretty important. I mean, right now I’m in a relationship and I don’t know what 60 years will look like but I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years and I value being very close with his family and they are people that I’m very close with and I wanna have a really close relationship and be someone that they can turn to if they need anything!” Previous Next

In this interview, Mary Jo discusses her experience with assistive technology like a cochlear impact and electronic captioning. She describes her journey and how sudden hearing loss has influenced her as an individual, her relationships and her outlook on life. She leaves us with a powerful message about the importance of advocating for ourselves and others. MJ's Story In this interview, Mary Jo discusses her experience with assistive technology like a cochlear impact and electronic captioning. She describes her journey and how sudden hearing loss has influenced her as an individual, her relationships and her outlook on life. She leaves us with a powerful message about the importance of advocating for ourselves and others. Scroll to listen MJ's Story 00:00 / 04:01 I woke up one morning and it sounded like really loud noise I my head, it was really disorienting. I got up and I was running the sink in the bathroom, and it sounded so loud to me, like unbelievability loud. Then I realized I think I need to see somebody about this – to make a long story short immediately, the person I went to see said Well you have had a hearing loss and it's not reversable, like you have lost your hearing. I was kind of shocked by that, that she could tell all that, she looked into my ears but there was nothing to be seen, there was no infection - I wasn’t sick I had to go and have it verified, I had a bunch of tests and then I had what was called a sudden sensorineural hearing loss. Then it was just getting used to suddenly having 24 hours tetanus in one ear, I thought that was a big deal because you don’t know where sound is coming from, we are so bilateral, without two ears you can't pinpoint sound. That went on for quite a number of years and then one day I was in a café and thought I heard machines doing something weird like making a high pitched nose, I mentioned it to the other people I was with and they said, “I don’t hear anything” and as soon as I went outside, I realized it was all in my head. I was concerned that it was the same thing happening again, this time I went pretty much directly to the ER – They confirmed – well by then I had lost my hearing – being suddenly deaf, completely deaf was diffidently an experience I imagined would never happen to me. Initially I couldn’t do anything, I felt very reliant suddenly on other people to do things for me like make a phone call for me that I couldn’t do for myself, so have I adjusted very well? When I look back on it, I think I really did but I didn’t grieve the loss of my hearing and I think that came up later on, there would be sudden moments where I was just a mess because I would be with other people, and I couldn’t understand what was being said and felt completely left out, I'd go and have my cry someplace and then I'd come back and then face whatever I was dealing with again. In terms of coping, I think one of the things I have learned is that I've had to speak up for myself much more than I have ever had to do in the past, partly because it was a sudden hearing loss, and I think because of that I feel like I can be more outspoken because I don’t have this identify that has been developing for years and years about being a deaf person, I think there are a lot of positives believe it or not. I think that just having a disability is a positive thing because it changes my perspective on myself, it makes me realize that I am in vulnerable to anything as anybody else. I have met people that I would never would have met, and I had something in common with them, and I will approach them, and they will approach me if they see that I have a cochlear implant. And with little kids, I really appreciate the people, the interactions, and the connection I have had with others because of this. I have realized how quickly things have changed. I mean with no warning at all, and I read a lot about appreciation and addressing appreciation is a healing tool. I am so privileged to have good doctors and good audiologists to work with and to have the financial means to get what I need. I would hope the other person who was the friend of, or sister of , or mother of, or whatever of somebody was bearing something could maintain that sense of curiosity and not go down that fear lane and I think there is more possibility for growth and healing if you are more curious and open then if you are shut down for fear, but looking back on it I have gained so much that I never would of gotten without that.

< Back Caroline's Story Story Coming Soon! Scroll to listen 00:00 / 02:45 Previous Next

< Back Wendy's Story 00:00 / 13:33 Previous Next

Catherine Grella (21) talks with a friend, Susan Martins (77) about her close relationship with her two sisters, her childhood, and the family dynamics that have shaped her into the woman that she is today. Catherine's Story Catherine Grella (21) talks with a friend, Susan Martins (77) about her close relationship with her two sisters, her childhood, and the family dynamics that have shaped her into the woman that she is today. Scroll to listen Catherine's Story 00:00 / 04:51 The order of the siblings is that Abby is the firstborn. She is about two and a half years older than me, and then I am next. And then Sophia is my younger sister, and then my younger brother is Ben. Sofia is about two and a half years younger than me, too. So the spacing between us is like, pretty equal, which is good because it's so we've met us so close, and he's the only boy. Sophie and I did gymnastics together. I remember I told you about that. And sometimes we trained so hard at such a young age. We were so fascinated by gymnastics that we would go probably 13 to 15 hours a week. And when you're like nine or ten, that's a lot of commitment. Like, think a young gymnast body going 13 to 15 hours a week in training and running and doing strength and conditioning. And it built our bodies to be very strong, which is something I'm thankful for. But in a way, it took away part of our childhood because we didn't get to see friends as much. And we really became so close, and we became each other's best friends because of all that time we would spend in the gym together. But the one thing that I wanted to say was that when Sophie and I were younger, although we would go to gymnastics super late into the night, I think it was like we'd be getting out around 845, so we wouldn't be getting home until nine. And my whole entire family would wake up at 09:00 so that we could have family dinner every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. My poor father must have been so hungry by 09:00 Wednesday, Friday. But they did it because they loved us, and they did it because they thought that that was important for us to eat together. I'm really happy that they did that. And in so many of the ways that they made these accommodations in my life growing up, are ways that I want to incorporate into my own family when I have it, because they're really special. If you were to leave this interview for someone like, who would you leave it for? I would definitely leave this for my parents and just in honor of them and all they've done, in away, my mom and my dad always wanted to give us the things that they didn't have growing up. So my dad, when he was 40, he had to take up music lessons all by himself and learn how to play the guitar and learn how to play the piano. And he's so fantastic at it. He has that creative brain where he can hear a song on the radio and just play the chords on the piano. And it's so amazing. But that was all taught to him by himself. And he just thinks, how good could I have been if I was given this when I was young? So that was the philosophy he adopted when he enrolled us on piano lessons when we were in kindergarten, and they just never wanted to have any doubts of what our abilities could have been if we weren't given those tools. And I'm so thankful for that because I don't thank them enough, and I really, really should, but I should just sit down one day and say, thank you for always giving us all of the tools that you wanted us to have to be great in life and to find out what we loved. Even Sophie and Ben didn't stick with piano, but at least they were given that tool to explore. And the same thing with sports. I'm so thankful that there was never a sport that I brought up to my parents, and they turned it down and they said, no, you can't do soccer. You can't do this; you can't do that. They were always so willing to be accepting our interests and accommodate them in any way that they could and help us, and that was something so special. Of course, I leave this interview for my siblings too, for them to know all the ways that they impacted me in my life and will continue to impact me in my life. But a lot of it is for my parents too, because it's only when you get older that you really appreciate all of the ways to which they were such good parents. And at college, it's sad, but I think it's there were so many things about my childhood that I took for granted. And it's only when you're at college and you're not surrounded by your immediate family anymore that you realize the things that you miss.

Gail, an elementary school teacher, talks about how her sister impacted her life and encouraged her to advocate for children with disabilities in her classroom and beyond. Gail's Story Gail, an elementary school teacher, talks about how her sister impacted her life and encouraged her to advocate for children with disabilities in her classroom and beyond. Scroll to listen Gail's Story 00:00 / 03:55 I was very alone when I was with my sister as she grew up because when I went somewhere with her I felt very vulnerable when I would get stares from other people not knowing what they were thinking and so it was very difficult and she could not speak for herself I endured many negative comments you know I didnt know how to speak to people about her so I just kept everything to myself well in my career I started to realize how much she was discriminate against and I wanted to change that in my classroom In a classroom its easy for children to single out someone else if thye are different I didnt want that to happen so what I did was I if someone was coming to my classroom who had a disability I asked at the meeting that when I was told that someone would be coming I aksed that the person, the chld who was going to come to my room not come for a week so I could trian my class we met my class and we talked about what do you do if this person is out on the playground and does something to you that you dont like how do you handle it what do you do if you want to come in and you are really upset with him we talked about how to come to me to tell me about thei problems with this other person and then we would have a meeting to discuss how they could handle it and learn to accept this person at the end of the year a mother of a disabled child invited my class to go to the birthday party and every single child went I was very proud of it and then another thing that happened that I could tell people were understanding was that I met one of my students who was going to UMass I asked him what he was going to be what he was majoring in and he said special education and I congratulated hima nd he siad it was you you were the one that got me interested and I felt so good about it so ya know it carried into my teaching career and I also oh one word that I wanted to have him relaize kindness those people everybody desrevs kindness not just them so I really was firm about ya know how you have to be kind to everybody even if there's something you don't like about that person you know come in and talk to me about it and we can see what we can do I want to well I started to speak out more because I’ve kept things about my sister inside and I feel like its more than time to speak out and also a way to advocate to others you know so that when others pass someone on the street who is disable no matter what their disability is they don't stare and make the people who are wit them feel embarrassed they see them as someone who was born the way they were there's a lot of positive about them an to say hello that I think just to be kind say hello and let these people know they are accepted

< Back Joan's Story Joan shares the story of adopting her daughter from Russia. She talks about what adoption is like and some of the struggles that come with adoption. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 03:31 I’m Joan Oleck, and my daughter whom I adopted in 1996 in Russia is now 26 years old. I ended up adopting Anya through an agency in Russia that had a connection with Spence-Chapin back in New York where I was living, and that connection was open to single women adopting which was still kind of unusual back then. So, I jumped on it. My grandparents had emigrated from Russia, what was then Russia in the nineteenth century and I had always loved Russian culture so it was a good fit for me. I passed all of the screenings I had to do. In October of 96, I traveled to Russia with another couple who were also adopting from the same orphanage. I got a tiny little baby, just five pounds, very undernourished and I named her Anya. And on the car ride back, 200 miles back to Moscow, she was on my lap, somehow I picked up on the fact that she wanted to look out the window. So I picked her up and held her against the window, and she, you know, quieted down and that was a very sweet moment. We were passing a lot of birch trees and a lot of American towels that people hung in their yards to sell for some reason. Anyway, that week will stay in my memory forever. Ali: What is something that you wish more people knew about adoption? Joan: That aside from the genetic issues, because sometimes, you know you need to see if you can match on a kidney or stem cells or whatever. That aside from that, that child is as much yours as if you had given birth to her or him. And I just really want people to understand that. You know when Anya was a little kid, kids would come up to her and say, “Well who’s your real mom?” and she’d go “Joan is my real Mom, that’s the only Mom I’ve ever had”, even though she and I were in touch with her birth family and exchanged letters for several years. I want people to know that these children have feelings. I, on the other hand, told Anya as soon as she could understand “you are from a country called Russia, here it is on the map”, and everytime Anya heard Russia on the news, she’d go “Mommy! They just said "Russia, where I’m from!”, and she was always very comfortable with it as a result. I was very fortunate to be adopting at a time when single women were slowly being accepted as adopted parents, and the same thing was happening with gay couples. At the time being 97’ 98’, I wrote a widely disseminated piece for a platform called Solan, and it won a national award, just interviewing singles and gay couples who were adopting, and just about the discrimination against them. To this day, it still remains that some church groups in Southern states block gay couples from adopting which is terrible because a loving family of any kind is what any child needs. It doesn't really matter what kind of family. If there’s love, there’s love. Previous Next