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< Back Joan's Story Joan shares the story of adopting her daughter from Russia. She talks about what adoption is like and some of the struggles that come with adoption. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 03:31 I’m Joan Oleck, and my daughter whom I adopted in 1996 in Russia is now 26 years old. I ended up adopting Anya through an agency in Russia that had a connection with Spence-Chapin back in New York where I was living, and that connection was open to single women adopting which was still kind of unusual back then. So, I jumped on it. My grandparents had emigrated from Russia, what was then Russia in the nineteenth century and I had always loved Russian culture so it was a good fit for me. I passed all of the screenings I had to do. In October of 96, I traveled to Russia with another couple who were also adopting from the same orphanage. I got a tiny little baby, just five pounds, very undernourished and I named her Anya. And on the car ride back, 200 miles back to Moscow, she was on my lap, somehow I picked up on the fact that she wanted to look out the window. So I picked her up and held her against the window, and she, you know, quieted down and that was a very sweet moment. We were passing a lot of birch trees and a lot of American towels that people hung in their yards to sell for some reason. Anyway, that week will stay in my memory forever. Ali: What is something that you wish more people knew about adoption? Joan: That aside from the genetic issues, because sometimes, you know you need to see if you can match on a kidney or stem cells or whatever. That aside from that, that child is as much yours as if you had given birth to her or him. And I just really want people to understand that. You know when Anya was a little kid, kids would come up to her and say, “Well who’s your real mom?” and she’d go “Joan is my real Mom, that’s the only Mom I’ve ever had”, even though she and I were in touch with her birth family and exchanged letters for several years. I want people to know that these children have feelings. I, on the other hand, told Anya as soon as she could understand “you are from a country called Russia, here it is on the map”, and everytime Anya heard Russia on the news, she’d go “Mommy! They just said "Russia, where I’m from!”, and she was always very comfortable with it as a result. I was very fortunate to be adopting at a time when single women were slowly being accepted as adopted parents, and the same thing was happening with gay couples. At the time being 97’ 98’, I wrote a widely disseminated piece for a platform called Solan, and it won a national award, just interviewing singles and gay couples who were adopting, and just about the discrimination against them. To this day, it still remains that some church groups in Southern states block gay couples from adopting which is terrible because a loving family of any kind is what any child needs. It doesn't really matter what kind of family. If there’s love, there’s love. Previous Next

< Back Katherine's Story Katherine talks about her family heritage and values and how that impacted her views on the world. She discusses how her upbringing and playing music with her siblings brings them closer together. Katherine also details how the values that she was raised with are still instilled in her and are instilled in her children as well. 00:00 / 04:28 My family of origin story comes from both my parents who told me the stories of how they grew up and their parents and grandparents. For my parents, their families were very important. Both of them came from English backgrounds and they were farmers. They raised cattle, they kept the sense of animals and planting even when we no longer lived on a farm, but it is important. That is part of my family theme and values is to be really connected to the land and animals. When we were growing up our values always had to do with good health, lots of exercise, and taking care of your pets before you took care of yourself. Who needed your support and help before you were doing your own thing? Values really had to do with honoring family and being totally transparent and honest about what was going on with you, being a good communicator that was kind of a core family value, and doing your best. I have 4 siblings, all about 2 years apart. It was very organized, our lives were very very organized, I guess you have to when you have a big family like that – my parents were both teachers so they expected us to have a certain routine to get up and make our beds, practice and do homework, we all had to keep track of what we were responsible for. We all played instruments, we all had to practice, my mom would start the egg timer for about an hour before we went to school, we had to practice our instruments. As we grew up and we left home, and we went to college and got jobs and got married and had our own children the relationship with all of them at the time have change over time. In that period, it was really important for our kids to know each other so that now as they are adults and they have families, they have cousins that they feel quite connected to which is kind of wonderful, we do a lot of sharing of our lives together. We all go to the same island in Maine in the summer, so 3 of my siblings built and also my family too we built our own little houses there, kind of near the log cabin so that more of us could be there at the same time. It’s a wonderful place for family gatherings and lunch picnics on the rocks, swimming in the quarries and biking around the island, lots of fun things we do together. I take my violin and my younger brother plays the cello, brings his cello, my sister is a singer, but she also plays the keyboard too. It's really fun to play together, we often say wouldn’t our mother be delighted because she's the one who made us practice, its paid off for her because we are still doing it. The basic values that I learned from them I think are still there, are still the core values, but we do keep connected, that’s important. We now passing on the cabin in Maine, the log cabin to our own children so that means the cousins will have to figure out how to work together to keep the boats in good shape and keep the cabins clean and enjoy that place with their children, with our grandchildren. It's kind of a multigenerational process in Maine and that’s where I keep connected to my sibling's. It has been fun as we met and talked to explore family a little but because that to me is the most important set of relationships certainly that I have and I think that most people have, my kids probably pass on the same values to their children too Things that they learned as they were growing up, they keep connected through each other, keeping connected and learning through each other is just really really important no matter what the ups and downs of one's life might be. Previous Next

< Back Joan O's Story Joan shares the story of adopting her daughter from Russia. She talks about what adoption is like and some of the struggles that come with adoption. 00:00 / 03:31 I’m Joan Oleck, and my daughter whom I adopted in 1996 in Russia is now 26 years old. I ended up adopting Anya through an agency in Russia that had a connection with Spence-Chapin back in New York where I was living, and that connection was open to single women adopting which was still kind of unusual back then. So, I jumped on it. My grandparents had emigrated from Russia, what was then Russia in the nineteenth century and I had always loved Russian culture so it was a good fit for me. I passed all of the screenings I had to do. In October of 96, I traveled to Russia with another couple who were also adopting from the same orphanage. I got a tiny little baby, just five pounds, very undernourished and I named her Anya. And on the car ride back, 200 miles back to Moscow, she was on my lap, somehow I picked up on the fact that she wanted to look out the window. So I picked her up and held her against the window, and she, you know, quieted down and that was a very sweet moment. We were passing a lot of birch trees and a lot of American towels that people hung in their yards to sell for some reason. Anyway, that week will stay in my memory forever. Ali: What is something that you wish more people knew about adoption? Joan: That aside from the genetic issues, because sometimes, you know you need to see if you can match on a kidney or stem cells or whatever. That aside from that, that child is as much yours as if you had given birth to her or him. And I just really want people to understand that. You know when Anya was a little kid, kids would come up to her and say, “Well who’s your real mom?” and she’d go “Joan is my real Mom, that’s the only Mom I’ve ever had”, even though she and I were in touch with her birth family and exchanged letters for several years. I want people to know that these children have feelings. I, on the other hand, told Anya as soon as she could understand “you are from a country called Russia, here it is on the map”, and everytime Anya heard Russia on the news, she’d go “Mommy! They just said "Russia, where I’m from!”, and she was always very comfortable with it as a result. I was very fortunate to be adopting at a time when single women were slowly being accepted as adopted parents, and the same thing was happening with gay couples. At the time being 97’ 98’, I wrote a widely disseminated piece for a platform called Solan, and it won a national award, just interviewing singles and gay couples who were adopting, and just about the discrimination against them. To this day, it still remains that some church groups in Southern states block gay couples from adopting which is terrible because a loving family of any kind is what any child needs. It doesn't really matter what kind of family. If there’s love, there’s love. Previous Next

< Back Jacqueline's Story Jacqueline talks about the most important person in her life; her mom. She describes her perseverance, strength, and love for both her and her brother. Scroll to listen 00:00 / 03:40 Can you tell me about the most important people in your life? Yeah, I would say definitely my mom, for obvious reasons. She's amazing. And she's definitely my biggest role model. My mom started, she went to college to be an accountant. And then she hated that, because she didn't like how accountants were very, to the point didn't have like much of a sense of humor. And she, she's such a big person. She's such a talker, so that was important to her. So then she went into health care, she went to nursing school. When I was about four, my parents got divorced me, my brother, and my mom went to go live with my uncle. And my aunt, my cousin in born, which is where we then bought our house. between in between when they got divorced, she was in the middle of nursing school, so I can't imagine how hard that was for her. So being with my living with my aunt uncle definitely made it easier for her. And we spent a lot of time with them one on one, then she started working down in P town, which is about maybe two hours from my house, maybe a little less. And she would go every day work double shifts, drive all the way home sleep and do it all over again. I don't know how she did it. And then she started teaching nursing assistants. And she loved it. She was working just as a teacher under the owner. And then the owner decided that she was going to sell the company. And my mom was devastated because she loved her job. So she ended up buying the school from her. She had the school for a while, probably like 10 years, it was definitely hard because the financial situation wasn't always constant. Because that's obviously what happens when you own your own business. And it will add everything fell on her if like one of her teachers couldn't go. So there were times where it was just her running the business. So she's definitely worked very hard. And then about three or four years ago, this nursing home agency reached out to her asking them asking her to teach all of their and all of their facilities. And she took it almost right away. She's still with the company. And that's the company that I've also worked through. I think as I'm aging, I'm becoming closer with my mom in a different way. Like we're becoming more like friends than mother and daughter even though she's always been like a friend to me and all my friends go to my mom for any problems, any advice, which I think is super important. Every year on my birthday since my birthday on Christmas Eve My mom always made sure no one could say the words Christmas Eve on my birthday. It was always Jacqueline's birthday. And she would always set up she'd had balloons and she loves cards. So she'd have like a million cards. And like just a whole setup and it was always so grand and special. And so that's every year. That's definitely something that I'm looking forward to. I would like to be as good of a mother as she has been to me. I think she's done. Such a good job raising my brother and I She's worked very hard. She hasn't had a lot of extra money or extra time or anything. So I think just making sure that when I'm older that I have the ability to take care of her like she took care of me Previous Next

< Back Marci's Story Dr. Marci Yoss talks to her new friend Camille Beckett (21) about her family, profession, and loneliness. Marci delves into the importance of her husband and children within her life, discusses how the medical field as positively impacted her, and how loneliness had changed as a concept in her life as she has aged. 00:00 / 03:26 Previous Next

< Back Nancy J's Story 00:00 / 03:56 Previous Next

< Back Jesse's Story, 2022 Jesse talks with Lauren about being wrongfully accused and sent to prison. He shares the lessons he learned during that difficult time. 00:00 / 04:41 “The toughest thing I went through was, when I was in college, I had a little run in with the law over a marijuana issue. When the whole thing started I was 18 years old. I was in college out in Western Pennsylvania. That particular town was under very, very right winged conservative area. They were down on drugs. I was accused of selling $15 worth of marijuana. And went to trial. It really should never even gone to trial. I mean they had no real evidence. There were four people in the room at the time it was supposed to have happened and three of them said it didn't happen, and one of them said it did. And they decided to believe that one person. I was the only one. I was pretty sure it was because I was Jewish and there a very strong anti-Semitic taint to the whole thing. So I was convicted. The judge said, as far as he’s concerned, selling drugs is as bad as murder. So he gave me the maximum sentence, even though it was my first offense. He gave me 3 years in prison. I didn’t take it seriously, I really didn’t think I was gonna go to prison. It just seemed so outrageous. My lawyer was taking an appeal then I got a call one day from my father and he said, the appeal fell through and you have to go to prison. So, I freaked out, I was 21 years old at the time. Really didn’t know what to expect. My first week there was very very scary. It was overcrowded, so they didn’t have room for me in the part of the prison where they first introduce people. So I was put in solitary confinement for a week, which was really not a lot of fun. I thought my life was over at that point. Prison is like hell. It’s like everybody’s there, it's full of anger and aggression, but I found some friends there, actually. There were several people there, that were there for drug related offenses, you know, marijuana. And we weren’t criminals, you know, we were just kids who got caught up in a system. Because I had friends, I was able to make it through. Could’ve gotten out in one year, but it didn't seem like that was gonna happen. They wanted me to repent and say that what I had done was wrong. I was adamant that I thought the drug laws were wrong. I didn't really repent and they took that as a mark against me. So I didn’t know how long I’d be in there. It was a hard thing. One of the things that got me through was, I had a girlfriend before I ended up there. She wrote me almost everyday. She would write me a letter like almost everyday, at least 5 or 6 times a week. And that really helped me make it through, getting those letters everyday, really lifted my spirits. It turned out that my father was really not very good. I went to prison because of him. He told me he had taken the appeals, but didn’t. He told the lawyer not to take the appeals. And that’s why I ended up going to prison, my own father. And I didn't find that out until later. My mother hired a lawyer from the national organization for the reform of marijuan laws and he told me, he says, “they never took the appeals, you had grounds for appeals but they never took it.” He applied for what's called, commutation, which is reeducation of sentence. My mother went to court and testified for me. One day I was about 8 months into my sentence and they called me up and said, “do you have a job for when you get out of prison?” I said, “what are you talking about? I’m not getting out for another 2 and half years.”And they said, “No, right here it says you’re getting out next month.” I said, “what?!” And sure enough the commutation had gone through and nobody had told me. I was released from prison after about 7 or 8 months. So I was really, really, happy about that. I was so excited. That day I got out I was so happy. I felt so good. It was like, okay, I made it through that. If I can make it through that, I can make it through anything. So I felt really confident, really good, and really proud of myself that I had made it through and I hadn’t turned bitter, and I hadn’t gotten worse. You know, like, I got out and went right back to school, got my degree and went on to graduate school. In some ways, prison helped me, I mean I would not recommend it to anybody, it wasn’t worth it, but it did help me. It did help me focus my life. I guess the main lesson I learned was that no matter how bad it gets, there is a way forward and there's a way out. Nothing bad lasts forever. I still feel that freedom I felt on the day I got let out, the strength I felt. I can still tap into that today. As bad as things get, they eventually end. Bad things don’t last forever and there’s a way through. That’s what I learned.” Previous Next

< Back Molly's Story 00:00 / 04:29 Previous Next

< Back Karen's Story Karen reflects on her Jewish heritage and brings it together, identifying family history and identity through fragments. 00:00 / 04:03 Previous Next

< Back Wayne's Story Wayne reflects on his 50‑year friendship with Jim Wilcox, a mentor and dear friend whose discipline, love of learning, and interest in play deeply impacted his life. 00:00 / 04:21 Wayne: Today, I'd like to talk about a dear friend of mine and a person who has been important in my life and I've been lucky to know him for over 50 years. So his name is James Wilcox. Jim Wilcox, I know him as Jim. He was a professor of the humanities at Boston University for over 40 years. And I got to know him when I was 17 years old, playing tennis. We became good friends during that time, talking about tennis and how to get better and started drilling. But also we started talking about books and films and things we liked. We played more and more, like every summer I was off, of course, and then he was off from his job as professor. So we get together many days during the week and exercise the whole morning, getting in shape and talking about things, talking about ideas. But then, I was applying to grad school to get into a teaching program. He became sort of my informal mentor all through graduate school and then all through my teaching career. And we continue to play tennis all those years. So Jim just was an inspiration, for many reasons. So I admire his discipline in learning and, and getting to understand ideas. So he taught at the college of General Studies at BU and that's designed for kids who kind of struggle academically, which he did. And even in college, he was not a good student, he said. But then he went into the military, came out of the military, went back to school and became a really disciplined and good student. I admire his drive to keep learning, always learning, always trying to improve himself and learn new things, see more connections. And I just, I admire him so much for being fascinated by ideas, fascinated by the arts. But I also really am inspired by his interest in play, play as a way to learn. In fact, I have this memoir when he was given like four months to live. He dedicated a lie to all his friends at the beginning. And he says, Wayne, Nietzsche taught us that in every man, there's a boy who wants to go out and play. I think we did a good job of letting the boy get his playtime. All those great games we played over the years and all those great conversations about ideas, could it have been any better? I don't think so. Jim. He retired from teaching at BU at 79 years old, got surgery on his neck, and that went bad. He couldn't basically take in food through his esophagus, and he almost died. But I saw him in his rehab. He was not in his room at all. He spent his time in the common room. He'll take weights and lift weights, so he's exercising even then. And so he came back from that, and actually, we’d play tennis together. And we played together for a few more years. And then he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and he was given four months to live. So that's when he rushed out his memoir and that's when he went on a clinical study. And so he got all his affairs in order. But then, the clinical study was successful. Eight years later, he's still alive. He's 91 years old. So he wrote this memoir for his friends and family, then he wrote a memoir for his students. And to this day, he continues to write a letter. So every week I get a letter concerning what he's reading about, what he's thinking about or what he's watching for movies, but it's a little lecture basically. So he's still teaching. And, you know, it's interesting, it’s 21 years between us. Some people say, well, how can you be friends with someone that much older than you? But the distance and age didn't matter. We just talked about things that were of common interest. So I think he has a great way of connecting with lots of different people. Interviewer: If Jim was to remember you in one specific way, how would you want Jim to remember you? Wayne: There was one book he gave me, he wrote, you know, to me, to Wayne, who lives among people rather than between them. That idea, really the way he lived his life and worked with people and talk with people, enjoy people, I think I was trying to emulate that too. Because I, you know, I admire his resilience and his dedication to learning and drive to play and enjoy things, but also the drive to to be better at what he's doing. So he's been such an influence on my life all these years, I'm so lucky to have had him. And I just wanted to talk about him, to pay tribute to him and to give thanks to him. Previous Next

< Back Kelly's Story Kelly talks with Jesse about her evolving family dynamics during the COVID-19 pandemic. 00:00 / 04:10 When COVID first started, it was my sophomore year of college. I was living on campus at UMass. I remember specifically when I found out that it was going to be like a real issue. It was when Tom Hanks got COVID. It was a joke in my family that that was the first time I actually got a little nervous. I was supposed to go on the UMass Habitat for Humanity trip to Georgia, but they obviously ended up having to cancel it. I have two older brothers Kevin and Timmy. My brother Kevin right now is 27. And my brother Timmy, or Tim, is 25. And I'm 21. My brother wasn't living with us initially, he was living on his own, but obviously COVID isolated a lot of people. He didn't want to be alone like that, especially since we didn't know how long it was going to be. So, he actually moved back home with us. It was the first time in quite a few years that I had a full house. It was weird at first, I think, obviously, I had to do online school. And my mom was working from home. My dad's an electrician, so he wasn't even working. My dad's a funny guy. He loves attention. And he hates being bored. So he was bothering my brothers who were working remotely too. So it was just a cluster of us on our laptops for a little bit. But I think it was really great overall, looking back at it, especially at that time, it was nice to kind of get my family all back together for a few months. I feel like not a lot of people have that opportunity. So it was kind of nice. I learned a lot about my own study habits, work ethic, and stuff like that. In terms of online classes, I feel like it was a hit or miss. Some professors were really good at keeping us engaged. We had more than a year online, because we left the second semester two years ago. So it's like I forgot what it's like to actually be in school. Learning in general, it just isn't what it used to be. It's less collaborative. I feel like the pandemic helped me in some sort of way, it had as many benefits as it did the opposite. And I don't think I would change it. I think I was glad to have the opportunity to live with my family like that for a while. I remember having Thanksgiving with my family, which is usually a very big holiday. Like we have people flying into town. It's like a very big thing. And for the first year ever, we had a just Thanksgiving with my family. Just my immediate family, which we have never done before. The turkey. I don't know if it caught on fire for a second. It was a Thanksgiving disaster. I think we ended up microwaving some pizza. It was fun. We had a lot of fun, especially since everyone's getting older. It was really nice to live in my family like that for a little bit, especially now that my brother moved back out. And it's nice. I feel like I wouldn't have had the opportunity to get as close to them as I did. There was one day when it was very early in the pandemic. I live kind of close to Boston. I'm up in Wakefield. They put in the stay at home order. And my dad wasn't working and he and I ended up driving around the coast, around Gloucester, just for the day just to kill time and stuff like that. And when we were driving, he was like “I really want a haircut. I haven't had the opportunity to get my haircut in so long.” So I told him, I was like, “I'll cut your hair that would be great.” And we got back and I asked him, because my dad's getting older and he is losing some hair, I was like “I'm wondering what you would look like if you were bald.” We weren't seeing anyone, so he shaved his head fully. I started shaving, at first we did a buzzer, and then I got shaving cream and we made him completely bald. That was probably one of the highlights of COVID. He looked scary. And he looked like Mr. Clean. It was good though. I thought it was funny. I think that was a good bonding experience between my family. Previous Next

< Back Jessica's Story 00:00 / 01:04 Previous Next