< Back Elaine's Story 00:00 / 06:18 I'm gonna be 80 this year. I always say God willing, because who knows? And when I was younger, I just assumed I would just keep getting older. So, when all those life experiences happen, I had to say to myself, what does that mean? You know? And my middle sister and I and my oldest sister used to talk about, well, my mother died young. I wonder who will be next. And then when Barbara died, it was like, okay. I guess I'm off the hook. And then, oh my goodness, I got older and older, and I made 47, and I made 49, and I made 51. And it dawned on me that I really didn't have a road map for assuming I would age because nobody in my family had, especially the women. And so, as I began to get a little bit older and not take it for granted, but also say, okay. I am alive, and I want to make the most of it. I looked around for what I call mentors or role models. And I have about 4 of them that I want to talk to about today, and I'll just jump off with the first one. I'm married at 21, and my husband was 31. And I was lucky enough to have a fantastic mother-in-law. Her name was Doris. And Doris was a very lively, fun, very caring human being, and great wonderful mother-in-law and grandmother. And one of the things that I learned from her as I watched her age is how to approach getting old. And several things I learned from her was, 1, she said you need to constantly make friends all the time and make new friends because people go away, people die, and you always sort of want to replenish. So, you know, doing this project is another way to replenish friends and people who are younger because, hopefully, they'll be around for a while. And also, after her husband, my father-in-law passed away, I watched what she did with her life. And what I observed was she really decided to live life and to sort of figure out how to be a widow and how to enjoy life. And so, she had almost 20 years of learning how to live independently and was an amazing role model. My next one is a woman named Mary Merriam, who is a woman I met through a quilting group. They were doing traditional old fashioned hand quilting. What I what I saw with her is, first of all, she was incredibly kind, and so that's a wonderful thing to see in people. And having read the book on loneliness, he talks about the impute importance of community. And joining her group, it was a group of about a dozen women, and it was met on a morning, Tuesday morning in the city in the town hall in Conway. And we just sat around and did hand quilting, which is very quiet, very peaceful. And, she was very encouraging, and we probably met for almost 10 years before the book broke up. But what I learned from Mary was, she took care of her husband. He had a stroke, and she was so loving and so kind and made a point of still getting to the quilt group. But she had to balance that new role that she had. And so, watching that experience was very moving. And then the next person within the group was the 99 year old woman, and her name was Dot. And Dot was another wonderful, wonderful example of how to age. And she was a skinny little thing, I think maybe a little bit taller than me, but very slight. And she was carrying this big queen-size quilt. And I went to the door to help her open the door, and I said, let me carry that for you. And her response was, don't baby me. So, I thought that was absolutely wonderful. And, again, that spirit, that feistiness that says, nobody's gonna just I'm not a shriveled up little old lady. She used to talk about what a blessed life she lived. And at some point, I talked to Mary about her, and it turned out her father died in his fifties. Her own husband had died roughly around the same age, and she still had the courage to say, I'm blessed. And then the last person, her name is Ruth. And Ruth lived to 94, just recently passed away. And I knew her through the Mount Holyoke community. But the thing that Ruth taught me was as she aged, she had a lot of problems, health problems, and would be in and out of the hospital. And last year, when she came home, they had her on oxygen, and she had this long tube that went on forever. And when I visited her, she was so feisty. She's like, wow. I'm not gonna carry this damn thing around forever. And she said, I am gonna get rid of this and get off of oxygen and be done with this. And she actually did. And I think, you know, some people might have just resigned themselves, sat in a chair, and say, oh, poor me, and just kind of let fade out. There was nothing that was gonna fade out on her. I mean, at 94, she did eventually die, but spirit, her fight, her willingness to say, alright. That's what's happening today, but that's not gonna necessarily be what's happening tomorrow. So, I think that I feel so fortunate to have learned from all of these four examples that I'm giving you, and there's plenty more I could do on. But how to approach life, not make certain assumptions, not stereotype yourself into certain behavior Previous Next

< Back Grazy's Story Grazy discusses how her family's immigration to the United States impacted her upbringing and her values and experiences in the U.S. 00:00 / 05:10 “I wanted to start my story off with my Dad immigrating from Brazil to the United States. He did this in 1989. At first he came to the U.S. to send money back to my mom and my sister that were back in Brazil, and he was just here working, and he thought he might as well just immigrate our family over to the States. They came over in 99’ and that’s when I was born too in the U.S. I think their experience of being immigrants here was definitely one that had an impact on me growing up. I think that they had a lot of troubles with just being in a new place in general. I think moving, period, is hard, I can’t imagine having to move from one country to another where it’s hard to get used to new people around you, new surroundings. Growing up I always had that in the back of my mind of the sacrifices my parents made to come over here and just their story of pushing forward just to better my future, my sister future, my brothers future by being here. I think their pushing through in this country definitely motivated me, I feel like it adds pressure for you to feel like you always have to succeed, you always feel like you have to do good, you always have to hit different milestones and always work your way up and I would always feel pressure, not because my parents would necessarily put it on me but, I would always think back to them sacrificing their whole life to come to the U.S., and the U.S. is seen as like the land of opportunity, there’s this overall message of if you immigrated to the U.S. you are lucky, you are allowed in the borders. I think today it is definitely a lot harder to immigrate here than when my parents did it, but I think that there’s this message of immigrants are sort of second class citizens almost, because goes Americans just have a leg over everyone. I think being born here, I just thought “Oh ok I have to succeed, I have to make my parents trip here worthwhile.” and it was a lot of pressure growing up and it felt, it felt like I was never reaching that finish line of “Ok I made it.” It was always something else, and I feel like growing up now I can look back and say that all that I have accomplished, it was the best I could do at that time and, my parents were always proud of me and whatever I did, every milestone I hit, every little award that I got, I knew my parents knew that I pushed myself. Especially with them seeing me struggle in school, every grade I got I know they knew it was my best. But it’s hard to feel like youre never enough and, if anything, growing up here made me appreciate things more. I feel like one of the gifts they’ve given me is empathizing with others and having more sympathy for others. I think it’s something that of course if you’re not from a family of people that immigrated, of course you can feel for others, you sort of, view immigration issues differently, you see how the countries government works differently in a way, I just feel like you view people differently. I would never think of someone as an alien to this country, and so many people are so ok with saying that term in referring to people and their stories that way. The majority of my dad’s life has been spent in the U.S., and for someone to look at him and think “Oh he doesn’t belong here”, he’s contributed so much, and everyone contributes so much with what they bring culturally to the U.S. when they are from outside of the U.S., like so much of our food is from different cultures and the U.S., I think we wouldn’t be what we are today without these people.” Previous Next

< Back Diane's Story Diane talks about how her goals and ambitions are constantly changing throughout our lives. Diane and Victoria discuss how they have changed throughout lives, and what has remained constant. The common thread for both women is their strong mothers. 00:00 / 06:01 There were eight of us in the household and I was child number seven out of eight. So I would describe myself as kind of the weirdo, you know my older sisters were very responsible and my younger sister was the beautiful baby right so, I was sort of the I mean not in I don't think this in a bad way, I just think that it was just sort of like I had the opportunity to sort of I didn't have a lot of responsibility and I didn't have to be the baby which also is a sort of responsibility. So yeah I got I got to be a little loose as a child, and I was you know, I colored a lot and collected leaves and things like that. When I was young, I wanted to be with lots of people all the time and I wanted to make food and have fun. I didn't know how to turn that into a money-making career, I just wanted to be with people very social as a little person but, that changed a little bit when I became a teenager. I became far less interested in being social in being with my family even. I withdrew a little bit. I sort of indulged in the quirkiness a little bit more and then then maybe was healthy for me my family was still there even though I kind of took a wander but, I it was at that point I did start thinking about careers and things like that and like could I be a social worker or could I be someone who listened? Because I am a bit of a talker, still. I am chatty, let’s just face it. I’m a Chatty Cathy but I wanted to learn how to be a listener and maybe take some of that into work that was helpful work to individual you know. I was never really very interested in making money I think I wanted to make a difference. You know the other thing that we spoke about once was that tape measure principle of like if you pull out each inch and you know at 10 everything that you've done by 10 inches and then 20 inches, what have you done and I'm like okay here I am at 60 inches, so far from you know that 6 year old self who was collecting leaves, and how much more time do I have? Do I have another 10 years or 20 years and do the years make a difference? And I decided after our last conversation that I want my legacy to be that I went sort of day by day. I want it to be that I just took each day and I tried, I didn't try to be happy I don't I don't necessarily want to try for that I want that to be the end result of what I do, so I I think, like you, I'm I probably smile too much I might be insanely happy most of the time but, I think that you know I think for me it's really turning into the small differences. The kindnesses and the little bits that add up to what I hope will be you know a legacy of well she didn't she wasn't terrible you know I mean I think that would be enough for me and that’s all right. It is okay and I learned that from you and and our conversations because I see it in you as well. So often you said to me, it is one thing everyday. It is at least one thing everyday and I thought wow this is this is actually harder Victoria but it's much more fulfilling and I think it makes a greater impact then holding back or not doing because there's lots of opportunities for it and I appreciate that insight into your vision of the world cuz I'm trying to put it into my vision of the world. So I guess that would be my legacy. So I know one thread that we shared was was our mom's. I don't know if that's one that you were thinking of at this moment. It was with great joy that I was able to tell my mother that I was participating in this project and she was interested to know about it. Then she died at 99 years old and after a very good and rich and wonderful life and it really meant a lot to me to be able to share that with you. I'm getting a little choked up now but it was sort of like she was really she was always curious she always wanted to know what was around the corner or why did you do that or what are you eating today or any of those things. It was really a lot and I think that it was a big part of my healing process was talking with you and you were very patient and listening to every single story but it was a big thing for me to be able to also maybe think and talking with you and some of the questions and the places we went it was like okay so maybe a part of my legacy is continue Dorising and to share with other people like you. What Doris was, what she did and how like she was kind, you know like your mom and we shared that. That’s part of the good thing, we can talk about anything, you and I. it's not necessarily a passing of a torch okay but it was a little bit of you gave me the like “you can do this Diane you can take this on” and I really appreciated that cuz I think I was feeling sort of bereft and alone and I wasn't and you showed me that. We Dorised together though. We turned her into a verb and we did it and I hope someday to get to tell your mom what you've been in my life. Previous Next

< Back Rachel's Story Rachel discusses feeling like she didn’t belong in her hometown community or as she transitioned to college.She talks about her social anxiety and reflects on what it was like to break free from this. She wants people to pay attention to college students’ mental health. 00:00 / 05:31 Previous Next

Katherine talks about her family heritage and values and how that impacted her views on the world. She discusses how her upbringing and playing music with her siblings brings them closer together. Katherine also details how the values that she was raised with are still instilled in her and are instilled in her children as well. Katherine's Story Katherine talks about her family heritage and values and how that impacted her views on the world. She discusses how her upbringing and playing music with her siblings brings them closer together. Katherine also details how the values that she was raised with are still instilled in her and are instilled in her children as well. Scroll to listen Katherine's Story 00:00 / 04:28 My family of origin story comes from both my parents who told me the stories of how they grew up and their parents and grandparents. For my parents, their families were very important. Both of them came from English backgrounds and they were farmers. They raised cattle, they kept the sense of animals and planting even when we no longer lived on a farm, but it is important. That is part of my family theme and values is to be really connected to the land and animals. When we were growing up our values always had to do with good health, lots of exercise, and taking care of your pets before you took care of yourself. Who needed your support and help before you were doing your own thing? Values really had to do with honoring family and being totally transparent and honest about what was going on with you, being a good communicator that was kind of a core family value, and doing your best. I have 4 siblings, all about 2 years apart. It was very organized, our lives were very very organized, I guess you have to when you have a big family like that – my parents were both teachers so they expected us to have a certain routine to get up and make our beds, practice and do homework, we all had to keep track of what we were responsible for. We all played instruments, we all had to practice, my mom would start the egg timer for about an hour before we went to school, we had to practice our instruments. As we grew up and we left home, and we went to college and got jobs and got married and had our own children the relationship with all of them at the time have change over time. In that period, it was really important for our kids to know each other so that now as they are adults and they have families, they have cousins that they feel quite connected to which is kind of wonderful, we do a lot of sharing of our lives together. We all go to the same island in Maine in the summer, so 3 of my siblings built and also my family too we built our own little houses there, kind of near the log cabin so that more of us could be there at the same time. It’s a wonderful place for family gatherings and lunch picnics on the rocks, swimming in the quarries and biking around the island, lots of fun things we do together. I take my violin and my younger brother plays the cello, brings his cello, my sister is a singer, but she also plays the keyboard too. It's really fun to play together, we often say wouldn’t our mother be delighted because she's the one who made us practice, its paid off for her because we are still doing it. The basic values that I learned from them I think are still there, are still the core values, but we do keep connected, that’s important. We now passing on the cabin in Maine, the log cabin to our own children so that means the cousins will have to figure out how to work together to keep the boats in good shape and keep the cabins clean and enjoy that place with their children, with our grandchildren. It's kind of a multigenerational process in Maine and that’s where I keep connected to my sibling's. It has been fun as we met and talked to explore family a little but because that to me is the most important set of relationships certainly that I have and I think that most people have, my kids probably pass on the same values to their children too Things that they learned as they were growing up, they keep connected through each other, keeping connected and learning through each other is just really really important no matter what the ups and downs of one's life might be.

< Back Raluca's Story Raluca’s family immigrated to America when she was 6 years old. At first, she didn’t fully understand or appreciate her family background or Romanian culture. Most of all, she disliked her name and wanted nothing more but to change it one day. She grew up embarrassed about who she was–but after going back to her country for the first time again at 16 years old, everything changed. 00:00 / 04:23 I remember that when I was little my Grandma would tell me stories about this Greek princess named Rulu and how my name Raluca came from her. I was born in Romania and when I was 6 years old we came to the United States for a new and better life. In first grade in America, I noticed that no one could really pronounce my name correctly, everyone always seemed to ask me oh what kind of name is that? And it didn't take very long for me to become very sick and tired of hearing that question. My move to a new country brought many many changes, most of which I was too young to understand completely. Something I did realize however was I was really excited to come here and I remember my family was crying when we left, but I didn't understand why until I grew up a little bit more. I worked really hard to fit in because my biggest nightmare was just standing out in a crowd and I really tried to change myself to belong here. Whenever I met a new friend when I was growing up I would just tell them my name was something else and I would make up a name that was American because I wanted to pretend, just to see what it was like for a moment to be what I thought was normal. The thing that embarrassed me the most at the time was my parents and their accents. Especially my Dad, with his big thick Romanian accent, whenever we were in public I would sush them if they dared speak to me in Romanian or I would block my ears and I would say shhh. I remember just being so mad that they had accents, but I think that also comes with maturity at the time I just didn’t understand. Looking back I feel so awful now because of thinking like that just when I was little and I didnt know any better but now I look at that with admiration and respect and so much appreciation and I think that I would never get mad at them now for being talked down to because of their accents. I never understood at the time how much my parents sacrificed for us and how hard they had to work to give us this glamorous life that we were able to have. I went from being just so embarrassed about my name and my culture and my parents and not being American to having this admiration and respect for it all when I was 16 years old. 10 years after our move to America, we went back to Romania for the first time. The city I am from is called Yash, there are these beautiful flowers blooming all in the trees there called florile de tei. What amazed me the most about my country really was meeting the people there. I felt like I saw kindness like I haven't really seen in America and I felt love like I never felt and I just felt this sense of belonging that I didn't feel here. I just felt like I was torn away from my home and that this is where I really belonged and my parents took me away and I had no say in that so I started questioning you know why did we leave. I just realized that this America had a better life for me but at the same time I grew up without my family. I guess it just made me realize that these are the only people that truly matter and honestly if anyone ever judged me in this country that it didn't matter that much. Previous Next

< Back David H's Story David describes how his autodidact tendencies and lifelong “obsessions” with computers, photography, biking, and astrology have shaped his relationships and sense of connection to others. 00:00 / 04:54 Interviewer: What obsessions have really captivated you throughout the years? David: I think I purposely like to look at them as obsessions. I mean, passion is pretty much synonymous, not 100%. But I like to look at them as obsessions because it gets people's attention. One obsession is personal computers, which I became fascinated by in 1982. And my means of obsession has always been as an autodidact, which just means self taught. auto, didact, teach. So that's what I do, I delve into learning. My passion with computers led me to leave my job and book publishing to work at a computer store. And working in the computer store was one reason why when a computer magazine was hiring, they hired me. It was just a question of following something that fascinated me. It's just a deep fascination. Interviewer: Other fascinations that you've talked about include photography. David: My father took photographs all the time. Maybe that even amplified my desire to be like him in some way. We had like boxes of photographs that my father took or other family members took. I just loved sitting down looking at all these photographs of the past, of relatives or situations. So a combination of just the objects themselves, the photographs being something that drew me in that history, that story, it was just stories being told and the fact that this was an influence, or interest I should say, of my father, who I admired. One of the things I've always loved about computing is you can try stuff without breaking anything. I always make a copy of a file if it's important and then work on the duplicate. Because you can always cover your ass, and therefore then you can experiment. And that experimenting is a form of freedom, and that, that attracts me. Interviewer: One other obsession that you talk about very fondly is biking. David: It's funny, to a degree it goes back to my father who, I just have all these memories of him, you know, doing various things with hand tools in our garage and, you know, helping me with my bike and bikes. Even by the time I was like 12, 11, 12, I had about 3, 4 bikes. Learning how to put it together. And some of the learning is feedback. When you're an autodidact, when you're self taught, you need some kind of feedback, otherwise, how are you learning? Now with these machines like cameras or computers, the feedback is built in. If it works, it's done right. If it doesn't, try to figure out why. Same thing with bicycles, although the breakage isn't protected. You also learn from experience, for example, my hand knows how tight to make something, a bolt. All my obsessions, behind them is a pleasure in learning, but a pleasure in learning outside of school. From the late 90s through 2007, I was a leader of the New York Bike Club for 10 weeks. Each year, we had, you know, 15 people and we would teach them bicycle skills. Here I mention that another obsession I've had is astrology. I got involved with astrology my sophomore year of college because I ended a relationship with my first real girlfriend. Things weren't good, and I was trying to figure out relationships. Astrology is actually a form of psychology. It's a tool for looking at the psyche. And so I became obsessed, because I was in a not good place and I wanted to figure out more. Take a few years more into the future, that was like 1969 or so. I go to a friend's house, uh, where he's having a party and he invites somebody I don't know. And that somebody I don't know brings his girlfriend who becomes my first wife. Later on, I’m talking with her and she said something about where she's lived. And I said something to her, oh, an astrologer would say something about that. And she said, oh, I'm an astrologer too.That's how Judy and I, we spent the rest of the evening describing each other to each other in astrological terms, which is almost like a language. Through astrology, was a large part of my connecting with somebody who is a soulmate. Interviewer: Are there other ways in which your obsessions have connected you to others? David: Well, here I mentioned the computing leading me to be a computer magazine editor. And there's something about a group getting together each month to put out a magazine. The group part is really important to me, working with others. If it can help me connect more with myself, it helps me connect with others. And realize that behind this thing I'm labeling as obsession is curiosity. I have a very deep curiosity. Things I love, like I mentioned bicycling or photography, I learned even more, but that's because my emotional state about it is stronger. Other things, curiosity helps me from feeling depressed. These obsessions and thoughts combined lead me to actual connections with others, and lead me to greater knowledge. Previous Next

Jonathan Daube (Northampton, MA) speaks with Selena DeCosta (Easton/Amherst, MA) about his time spent teaching in Malawi and how it shaped his view of the world for the rest of his life. Jonathan's Story Jonathan Daube (Northampton, MA) speaks with Selena DeCosta (Easton/Amherst, MA) about his time spent teaching in Malawi and how it shaped his view of the world for the rest of his life. Scroll to listen Jonathan's Story 00:00 / 02:34 I spent two years in Malawi. I think for me it was more valuable than graduate school. I learned an enormous amount. About the world, about myself, and when we got back, it was 1970. This country, the United States, was in considerable turmoil. And I found that my experience in Malawi helped me in ways I wasn’t even aware of. Helped me work with all kinds of students, especially African american. Because for two years I had been, my bosses had been, african american, well not american, african. It just came naturally to me to work with people of very different backgrounds. That was extraordinarily, extraordinarily helpful. So that's, that's how we got there and we went with one child and came back with two. Our daughter, the middle child, was born there. Do you look at the world differently now than you did at that age? I think I do. I understood, perhaps still understand, what real poverty is like. Beyond anything you could see, well I could see, in this country. I understood, and understand now, now that I am much older, what it is like to be in a situation where there just aren’t medical services the way we are accustomed to them. A town like Northampton with a population of about 30,000 would have in Malawi, would have less than one doctor for the whole town. So there would be all kinds of people who would have no access to medical help at all. I am more comfortable in situations that I have never been in before. I would now say, and I say it to my own children, that to be fully educated and you know somewhat understand the world we live in, you have to spend some time, and I don’t mean just a week or two, you have to spend some time in a different culture. Now the different culture could be a very different kind of family or set up down the road, it doesn’t have to be overseas, but normally it would be.

Annabel's Story Annabel, who recently uprooted her life in North Carolina and moved to Northampton, MA, discusses how she ended up living in the city and her close familial relationships that led her there. Scroll to Listen Annabel's Story 00:00 / 03:21 Stephanie: Speaking of Northampton, how did you even end up here? Like, how did you know this town? Because it is so small. Annabel: It is so small. I had been visiting here for a number of years because my daughter, who is a writer, and her husband is a publisher, they were living in Northampton and were - and Amherst and Northampton both have a huge community of writers. I ended up visiting frequently, and then 12 years ago, almost 13 years ago, they had a child who was born four months early. And she only weighed a pound and a half, and ended up having a lot of medical crises. She had a feeding tube and a trach. Stephanie: Oh, my God… Annabel: And, ended up spending four hundred and [sic] days in three different hospitals. Thank God she was in Massachusetts because she had some fabulous care here. Stephanie: Yeah. Annabel: She is doing really really well now. Um, and if you didn’t know, if you didn’t see the scar in her neck you wouldn’t know she had a trach. And, ironically, as a two year old, I had a trach… Stephanie: Oh… Annabel: Because of a really bad case of bronchial pneumonia, and ended up with a trach. So, we may be the only grandmother team… Stephanie: Yeah, that has… Annabel: that have the trach scars. Anyway, so I came up here a great deal while she was in the hospital - or, those 3 hospitals. And finally, I just thought, “I want to move there. I want to be near her,” so that was the reason I ended up here. And I’m so glad. I’m almost 75, and if you had told me I would make friends as good as any friends I’ve ever had I would not have believed it. So, I count my blessings that I ended up here. Stephanie: Yeah, that sounds really, that everything worked out, basically. Annabel: It did. It really did. Stephanie: Yeah. And was it hard making friends here? Annabel: I think at first, because I didn’t think that I could ever make friends like the ones I left behind, particularly back in North Carolina, I wasn’t reaching out. But finally, my daughter is best friends with another writer, whose mother moved here from California, and both of them kept saying “You’ll love each other if you get together!” and we instantly did. And then, I joined a church at the same time as another friend and we’ve become best friends. So I'm just amazed. I did not expect - I knew I would be happy here because of my daughter’s family. And there’s another family, they’re very close to me and I love them. I didn’t think I’d have peers as friends, but I do, and I’m so glad. Yeah.

< Back Hengie's Story Hengie expresses the hardships her and her family faced growing up in Haiti and how her mother was a pillar to the close bond that her, her brother, and mother currently share. While battling the difficulties of growing up apart, Hengie describes her wishes for her family and their journey back to each other, establishing a strong foundation built on resilience, love, and unwavering determination, ultimately leading them back to the embrace of a cherished home. 00:00 / 04:27 When I think of who I am today, though, there are specific people that come to mind. I've always considered my mom and my brother to be my rock, and I refer to them as that for multiple reasons. I have few recollections of how, like, my family dynamic was before the earthquake in Haiti. I can probably tell you it was, like, your typical nuclear household that you would expect, like, a middle-class family from Haiti to be. But as a family unit, like, we've we were tested early on. The earthquake impacted us in different ways and just that was really, like, the day the world changed for us. And the loss of my father just caused a lot of uncertainty and just left so much uncertainty for a long time. And I can't even imagine how my brother and my mom, like, what was going through their minds at that time. For me, I was quite young, so, like, nothing really ever made sense to me. But they were much older, and I can imagine that it was equally a difficult time for them. But it wasn't until years later where I was able to reflect and kinda define what that time meant for me. And I realized that I have to applaud my mom for a lot of things. Not once did I ever question her love or support for us during that time. My mom worked and fought for my brother and I to leave Haiti as soon as possible just because it was so unsafe. The country was in shambles, basically. And the focus was always us. It was always our safety, our future, even though at that time, I can't even imagine how much she was struggling. And she was mourning the loss of her husband, the loss of her sister. So, it was a lot for her at that time. Like, I can't applaud her strength, really. So, we left without her, and we did the journey to live with my aunt in Florida with a family friend. And we ended up living with my aunt for about two years. We saw our mom, like, every few months a few months or so. She wasn't here regularly. And from that, I would say sacrifice was one of the first lessons that my mom ever taught me. Even though at the time it wasn't a question that we were her priority, I don't think at least I don't didn't understand the gravity of the sacrifice that we were making at the time. She worked very hard to make sure that we, like, turned out okay. And I put that in finger quotes because do you ever really turn out okay from such a traumatic event? But I wouldn't change our family dynamic for anything. Of course, I still wish that, you know, my father was still here with us, and that's never going to change him passing. And grieving him and just grief in general is, like, a long and constant process, and it looks different for everyone. But I'd like to imagine that my father is proud of us. Proud of us for sticking together, for keeping our connection strong. I imagine he's proud of me for trying to make the most out of every opportunity, especially proud of my mom for getting us there, for loving us, and for staying strong. I hope she knows that I'm also really proud of her too. My mom, my brother, and I, we lost a lot of time together. A lot of years spent just connecting, like, through phone calls, a lot of money spent on flights, and distance was always, like, a member of our family. And it was hard having to grow up away from each other for so many years. I struggled with us living apart for so long. It made me feel lost. Like, I had no sense of what home really looked like. I didn't feel quite safe or welcomed anywhere. Home can be a lot of things, and I'm still in the process of figuring that out for myself. But my wish for my mom and my brother and for all of us really is to be able to find that place that allows us to be at ease and cherish that comforting feeling, to feel so at home somewhere. Previous Next

< Back David's Story David reflects on the nature of influence and on who in his life has given him an understanding of passive and active influence. His father sparked his nerdy hobby interest, reflecting on emotional acceptance and openness, and his mother demonstrated quiet perseverance through her hard time in life, and him finding ways to influence her by building joys outside of work. In the end, reflecting on how his French teacher also provided a safe environment and genuine care during the chaos of COVID for him 00:00 / 05:30 Previous Next

Josh shares his dedication and identity to football at college and wanting to succeed in his athletic career, only to realize that it was taking him away from his academics. When Covid hit, which was brought with a year spent at home, he decided to change his focus from football towards his studies on Public Health. Leaving your past self may be hard, but it’s the sacrifice to limitless possibilities and realizing . Josh's Story Josh shares his dedication and identity to football at college and wanting to succeed in his athletic career, only to realize that it was taking him away from his academics. When Covid hit, which was brought with a year spent at home, he decided to change his focus from football towards his studies on Public Health. Leaving your past self may be hard, but it’s the sacrifice to limitless possibilities and realizing . Josh's Story 00:00 / 03:20 So at 18 I think, not that my head was in the wrong place but, now looking back I was definitely a little bit naive, I think. I was really obviously into football. I'd like that's where I kind of put all my time and energy. I was fortunate enough where I won a state championship with my team in my senior year so that kind of boosted not my ego but my like attention towards football and wanting to keep on having success in the sport. So I obviously ended up going to Springfield College right after graduation to go play football at the college you know after being there for a couple of months and just kind of interacting with the people there. I just kind of realized that like I wasn't really getting as much out of it then that I thought I was going to and I was like you know what I'd rather just commit the time that I was spending playing football just to focus purely on my academics at that point. So I decided that I was going to quit football which was kind of a big part of my identity at the time. I kind of had to learn how to you know take that part of myself and kind of let it be in the past. I would say fortunately but unfortunately enough by the time I realize that I was done playing football Covid became a thing and that was during the Spring of my freshman year so we all got sent home and that was kind of like the you know the nail in the coffin for my decision if there's any time to you know hang up the cleats now. I lived at home for about like a year and then at that time I transferred to you Umass. As my studies kind of kept on getting more in depth, I started to figure out that I really liked them my new major public health I you know I started to meet some new people and most of them were from you know the friends that I had for my hometown and I met their friends that they met up here. I would say that when it comes to you know now being 22 and graduating in a month I would say like the biggest difference from like now to when I was 18 in high school and like you know kind of just bullying and obsessed with football is that I kind of realized that education is definitely you know the ultimate way forward because you know I was just so into Sport and then I realized that we're all just lifelong learners and why limit myself and put time into you know a sport just entertain myself when I could go out and like learn something. My dad was my football coach in high school so he obviously kind of wanted me to keep on playing but he obviously had no like there's no pressure that came with like he wasn't going to force me to keep on playing. He would have liked it if I did but, he was totally supportive that I decided I wasn't going to play anymore. Previous Next