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Jonathan Daube (Northampton, MA) speaks with Selena DeCosta (Easton/Amherst, MA) about his time spent teaching in Malawi and how it shaped his view of the world for the rest of his life. Jonathan's Story Jonathan Daube (Northampton, MA) speaks with Selena DeCosta (Easton/Amherst, MA) about his time spent teaching in Malawi and how it shaped his view of the world for the rest of his life. Scroll to listen Jonathan's Story 00:00 / 02:34 I spent two years in Malawi. I think for me it was more valuable than graduate school. I learned an enormous amount. About the world, about myself, and when we got back, it was 1970. This country, the United States, was in considerable turmoil. And I found that my experience in Malawi helped me in ways I wasn’t even aware of. Helped me work with all kinds of students, especially African american. Because for two years I had been, my bosses had been, african american, well not american, african. It just came naturally to me to work with people of very different backgrounds. That was extraordinarily, extraordinarily helpful. So that's, that's how we got there and we went with one child and came back with two. Our daughter, the middle child, was born there. Do you look at the world differently now than you did at that age? I think I do. I understood, perhaps still understand, what real poverty is like. Beyond anything you could see, well I could see, in this country. I understood, and understand now, now that I am much older, what it is like to be in a situation where there just aren’t medical services the way we are accustomed to them. A town like Northampton with a population of about 30,000 would have in Malawi, would have less than one doctor for the whole town. So there would be all kinds of people who would have no access to medical help at all. I am more comfortable in situations that I have never been in before. I would now say, and I say it to my own children, that to be fully educated and you know somewhat understand the world we live in, you have to spend some time, and I don’t mean just a week or two, you have to spend some time in a different culture. Now the different culture could be a very different kind of family or set up down the road, it doesn’t have to be overseas, but normally it would be.

Annabel's Story Annabel, who recently uprooted her life in North Carolina and moved to Northampton, MA, discusses how she ended up living in the city and her close familial relationships that led her there. Scroll to Listen Annabel's Story 00:00 / 03:21 Stephanie: Speaking of Northampton, how did you even end up here? Like, how did you know this town? Because it is so small. Annabel: It is so small. I had been visiting here for a number of years because my daughter, who is a writer, and her husband is a publisher, they were living in Northampton and were - and Amherst and Northampton both have a huge community of writers. I ended up visiting frequently, and then 12 years ago, almost 13 years ago, they had a child who was born four months early. And she only weighed a pound and a half, and ended up having a lot of medical crises. She had a feeding tube and a trach. Stephanie: Oh, my God… Annabel: And, ended up spending four hundred and [sic] days in three different hospitals. Thank God she was in Massachusetts because she had some fabulous care here. Stephanie: Yeah. Annabel: She is doing really really well now. Um, and if you didn’t know, if you didn’t see the scar in her neck you wouldn’t know she had a trach. And, ironically, as a two year old, I had a trach… Stephanie: Oh… Annabel: Because of a really bad case of bronchial pneumonia, and ended up with a trach. So, we may be the only grandmother team… Stephanie: Yeah, that has… Annabel: that have the trach scars. Anyway, so I came up here a great deal while she was in the hospital - or, those 3 hospitals. And finally, I just thought, “I want to move there. I want to be near her,” so that was the reason I ended up here. And I’m so glad. I’m almost 75, and if you had told me I would make friends as good as any friends I’ve ever had I would not have believed it. So, I count my blessings that I ended up here. Stephanie: Yeah, that sounds really, that everything worked out, basically. Annabel: It did. It really did. Stephanie: Yeah. And was it hard making friends here? Annabel: I think at first, because I didn’t think that I could ever make friends like the ones I left behind, particularly back in North Carolina, I wasn’t reaching out. But finally, my daughter is best friends with another writer, whose mother moved here from California, and both of them kept saying “You’ll love each other if you get together!” and we instantly did. And then, I joined a church at the same time as another friend and we’ve become best friends. So I'm just amazed. I did not expect - I knew I would be happy here because of my daughter’s family. And there’s another family, they’re very close to me and I love them. I didn’t think I’d have peers as friends, but I do, and I’m so glad. Yeah.

< Back Hengie's Story Hengie expresses the hardships her and her family faced growing up in Haiti and how her mother was a pillar to the close bond that her, her brother, and mother currently share. While battling the difficulties of growing up apart, Hengie describes her wishes for her family and their journey back to each other, establishing a strong foundation built on resilience, love, and unwavering determination, ultimately leading them back to the embrace of a cherished home. 00:00 / 04:27 When I think of who I am today, though, there are specific people that come to mind. I've always considered my mom and my brother to be my rock, and I refer to them as that for multiple reasons. I have few recollections of how, like, my family dynamic was before the earthquake in Haiti. I can probably tell you it was, like, your typical nuclear household that you would expect, like, a middle-class family from Haiti to be. But as a family unit, like, we've we were tested early on. The earthquake impacted us in different ways and just that was really, like, the day the world changed for us. And the loss of my father just caused a lot of uncertainty and just left so much uncertainty for a long time. And I can't even imagine how my brother and my mom, like, what was going through their minds at that time. For me, I was quite young, so, like, nothing really ever made sense to me. But they were much older, and I can imagine that it was equally a difficult time for them. But it wasn't until years later where I was able to reflect and kinda define what that time meant for me. And I realized that I have to applaud my mom for a lot of things. Not once did I ever question her love or support for us during that time. My mom worked and fought for my brother and I to leave Haiti as soon as possible just because it was so unsafe. The country was in shambles, basically. And the focus was always us. It was always our safety, our future, even though at that time, I can't even imagine how much she was struggling. And she was mourning the loss of her husband, the loss of her sister. So, it was a lot for her at that time. Like, I can't applaud her strength, really. So, we left without her, and we did the journey to live with my aunt in Florida with a family friend. And we ended up living with my aunt for about two years. We saw our mom, like, every few months a few months or so. She wasn't here regularly. And from that, I would say sacrifice was one of the first lessons that my mom ever taught me. Even though at the time it wasn't a question that we were her priority, I don't think at least I don't didn't understand the gravity of the sacrifice that we were making at the time. She worked very hard to make sure that we, like, turned out okay. And I put that in finger quotes because do you ever really turn out okay from such a traumatic event? But I wouldn't change our family dynamic for anything. Of course, I still wish that, you know, my father was still here with us, and that's never going to change him passing. And grieving him and just grief in general is, like, a long and constant process, and it looks different for everyone. But I'd like to imagine that my father is proud of us. Proud of us for sticking together, for keeping our connection strong. I imagine he's proud of me for trying to make the most out of every opportunity, especially proud of my mom for getting us there, for loving us, and for staying strong. I hope she knows that I'm also really proud of her too. My mom, my brother, and I, we lost a lot of time together. A lot of years spent just connecting, like, through phone calls, a lot of money spent on flights, and distance was always, like, a member of our family. And it was hard having to grow up away from each other for so many years. I struggled with us living apart for so long. It made me feel lost. Like, I had no sense of what home really looked like. I didn't feel quite safe or welcomed anywhere. Home can be a lot of things, and I'm still in the process of figuring that out for myself. But my wish for my mom and my brother and for all of us really is to be able to find that place that allows us to be at ease and cherish that comforting feeling, to feel so at home somewhere. Previous Next

< Back David's Story David reflects on the nature of influence and on who in his life has given him an understanding of passive and active influence. His father sparked his nerdy hobby interest, reflecting on emotional acceptance and openness, and his mother demonstrated quiet perseverance through her hard time in life, and him finding ways to influence her by building joys outside of work. In the end, reflecting on how his French teacher also provided a safe environment and genuine care during the chaos of COVID for him 00:00 / 05:30 Previous Next

Josh shares his dedication and identity to football at college and wanting to succeed in his athletic career, only to realize that it was taking him away from his academics. When Covid hit, which was brought with a year spent at home, he decided to change his focus from football towards his studies on Public Health. Leaving your past self may be hard, but it’s the sacrifice to limitless possibilities and realizing . Josh's Story Josh shares his dedication and identity to football at college and wanting to succeed in his athletic career, only to realize that it was taking him away from his academics. When Covid hit, which was brought with a year spent at home, he decided to change his focus from football towards his studies on Public Health. Leaving your past self may be hard, but it’s the sacrifice to limitless possibilities and realizing . Josh's Story 00:00 / 03:20 So at 18 I think, not that my head was in the wrong place but, now looking back I was definitely a little bit naive, I think. I was really obviously into football. I'd like that's where I kind of put all my time and energy. I was fortunate enough where I won a state championship with my team in my senior year so that kind of boosted not my ego but my like attention towards football and wanting to keep on having success in the sport. So I obviously ended up going to Springfield College right after graduation to go play football at the college you know after being there for a couple of months and just kind of interacting with the people there. I just kind of realized that like I wasn't really getting as much out of it then that I thought I was going to and I was like you know what I'd rather just commit the time that I was spending playing football just to focus purely on my academics at that point. So I decided that I was going to quit football which was kind of a big part of my identity at the time. I kind of had to learn how to you know take that part of myself and kind of let it be in the past. I would say fortunately but unfortunately enough by the time I realize that I was done playing football Covid became a thing and that was during the Spring of my freshman year so we all got sent home and that was kind of like the you know the nail in the coffin for my decision if there's any time to you know hang up the cleats now. I lived at home for about like a year and then at that time I transferred to you Umass. As my studies kind of kept on getting more in depth, I started to figure out that I really liked them my new major public health I you know I started to meet some new people and most of them were from you know the friends that I had for my hometown and I met their friends that they met up here. I would say that when it comes to you know now being 22 and graduating in a month I would say like the biggest difference from like now to when I was 18 in high school and like you know kind of just bullying and obsessed with football is that I kind of realized that education is definitely you know the ultimate way forward because you know I was just so into Sport and then I realized that we're all just lifelong learners and why limit myself and put time into you know a sport just entertain myself when I could go out and like learn something. My dad was my football coach in high school so he obviously kind of wanted me to keep on playing but he obviously had no like there's no pressure that came with like he wasn't going to force me to keep on playing. He would have liked it if I did but, he was totally supportive that I decided I wasn't going to play anymore. Previous Next

< Back Rebekah's Story 00:00 / 04:29 Previous Next

< Back Djenabou's Story Djenabou talks with Rene about her family. She shares her exceptional relationship that she has with her sister. 00:00 / 03:08 Djenabou: So my youngest brother is named TJ, that’s his nickname but his name is Tijani. He is 17 years old. And then higher from that is my brother named Hamadou. He is 18. Then there is me, 22. And then my other sister named Fanta, she just turned 31 a couple days ago. And then my eldest sister's name is Isha and she is also 31. I'm closer to my sister, Fanta since Isha, my eldest sister left when she was 16, had to leave the country. So I grew up with my sister Fanta for all of my life; all the bickering, arguing, we grew really, really close because we were always together. We would go to the movies together like each week or go to the mall each week and stuff. Rene: “What was it like when you were little?” Djenabou: I think one moment that I remember with Fanta was we were watching High School Musical together on VHS and I love musicals now because she had High School Musical so that was a really connected bond between us. And another thing, I think when I was in elementary school, she would always go to all of my award shows because my parents were always working and stuff like that so my sister would always be there for my award shows and stuff. And it was always important because when she went to see me receive all my awards and even at my graduation too, when my parents weren’t there. Rene: “You know I’m a big sister and I have two younger sisters and I was a stand-in mom for them frequently, so I understand the tenderness of that relationship. So she was like your mom at times, your big sister, tell me a little bit about how you would characterize your relationship with her.” Djenabou: I think about tough love, like she is very honest, very brutally honest. But I know she does that because she cares about everyone in the house. And I know that if I ask her for something she'll do it. No questions asked shell do it. She will ask questions a little bit after but she’ll definitely do it. She's very caring, she's funny too. She has her moments, I guess. She's such a perfectionist also, a very high maintenance person. She's very very independent as well. Rene: So what would you most like, if you could tell her thank you, what is it you would say to her? Djenabou: I would thank her for a lot of stuff, like being the person I can go to. Also, just being the role model for me too. And always making sure I’m good and I have everything. If I don't have anything she will provide me with that. Even planning for my birthday too with my group of friends, she'll pay for it even though the bill is high. She will go out of her way and pay for it. Just like that second motherly figure and stuff. Rene: Really, how lovely. Previous Next

< Back Imani's Story 00:00 / 05:11 Previous Next

< Back Pam's Story 00:00 / 03:48 My story is about resilience. I have learned at 65 years old that resilience is a process and not a personality trait. I really wish I had learned this when I was younger because I probably wouldn't have spent so much time being so judgmental and critical of myself. Resilience isn't about when something difficult happens in your life and you forget about it and move on. I was ignoring my feelings and stuffing all my emotions into a very dark place. Throughout my life, I've had some bad experiences, more than some people and less than others. I grew up in an abusive household, and it continued until my thirties. The parents were physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive. And because it was so bad, I blocked my knowledge of this even happening. Nightmares and flashbacks were my first clue that something was wrong. Your brain's ability to block memories works by protecting the psyche to help you survive. If I had actually known what was going on, I might have died. Something else that was very difficult in a different way was moving so many times. When I entered ninth grade, it was my seventh move. We moved every two to two and a half years. The dad was in office furniture sales, and we went where he went. This was really hard on me because I would move, meet new friends, then move again, lose those friends, and meet new ones. It was a constant cycle of change. I couldn't depend on anything, so I have very few memories of that time as well. Again, my my brain blocked what was going on. Another way I dealt with the dark inside me was by being a serious athlete in high school, college, and adult athletic programs. I swam, ran, and participated in triathlons. I would recommend to anyone that being an athlete is a good way to spend time, so it's not bad by itself. But hindsight, I was totally running away from my feelings. Again, it was a way for my brain to block terrible memories. And then as an adult, I've experienced many physical issues, including an eating disorder, migraines, TBIs, Parkinson's disease, and a back injury. Only in the last six months have I understood how resilient I am. But the good news is that through this back injury, I've been able to feel both the physical and emotional pain. I started working with a pain management expert out of the Boston, Massachusetts area. People in severe pain tend to make their lives very small by staying at home, not seeing people, not learning new things, or not moving the body. If I shut down my pain and live a small life, it makes my pain worse. I'm not telling you this story to complain. This is a story about how I've been able to look back on my history and learn what it takes to be resilient. I am now making my life bigger by doing small things like playing the guitar, taking singing lessons, and working a part time job as a dragon boat team coach manager. I try to shine a light on my pain to help open it up and heal. I use music, meditation, breathing techniques, and body scans to calm myself down and to be in the present moment. But most importantly, the only way you can heal physically and emotionally is to make the choice that the pain is real. Previous Next

< Back Jonathan's Story, 2021 Jonathan talks with Julia about the importance of his family network during the pandemic. Likewise, he is thankful for social media and zoom technology because it enabled him to stay in touch with his family. 00:00 / 03:46 Again the family network was very, very important. Your children, where are they currently living? Where are they living? Two of them are in Northampton Massachusetts, which is where I am now. Which explains one hundred percent why once we were both retired why we moved here. My daughter said cheerfully, I am quite happy to look after you when you are a Gaga but I am not driving up and down 91. And that seemed pretty reasonable. She's been, she's been wonderful. During the pandemic, you know before we all got vaccinated and all that, she would go shopping for us. We didn’t feel this way but we pretty much lived an isolated life in our house. And she wouldn’t let us go anywhere and it was wonderful. And she was very cheerful about it, never complained. That's a great relationship to have too, and very selfless of her. Yeah, oh yeah, I mean she's, all three of them are very very caring about these old folks that report to be their parents. Would you say, I know you mentioned that now looking back on it, during COVID you were isolated, but would you say that that isolation translated to feeling lonely or would you say on the contrary, being able to use zoom and connect with your brothers all over the country and also with your son in California and having your daughter around, would you say you actually still felt very connected? Yeah, I know that people who lived on their, who lived on their own, have had to cope with learning, there is no question about it. Which means both our sons, so child number one, child number three, are on their own, and different times it’s been very hard. We have a nephew too who lives in Ottawa and he’s on his own, he's talked about that. I think that for people who are partners and who get on with their spouses, some of course are partners but wish they weren’t, but we are not in that category. It's been, it's been much easier. I felt, right at the beginning of the pandemic when it was totally unexpected and we had no idea what was happening, I suppose I felt a little bit, alone. But, having a spouse, having children and grandchildren who didn't come into the house for months but we would walk up and down the street. You know, and chat with them. And having zoom and being a voracious reader, I don’t think that was an issue for me. Previous Next

< Back Rene's Story Rene explains how she feels being the eldest sister of her siblings. She talks through how an experience with her brother brought their relationship together. 00:00 / 03:59 So my first question is what was your role as the eldest self out eldest sister? Well, I'm the oldest of four. And let's see, I have a sister who's two and a half younger, two and a half years, three years younger than I am. And then another. I had a brother and a sister seven years younger than I am. So we were the girls and twins. That's what we refer to as we were growing up. It was wonderful. It's really a position of privilege. And it's also burden. It was also burdensome. I was a lot was expected of me in terms of helping my mom take care of the other three, she was a woman who was viewed as sickly, and I was capable, and I was smart. And I was willing, because I just wanted those parents to walk me into an audit to get me what I wanted to care those kids in January of 2019, my brother, her twin died, my brother died, he had cancer. And for the last three months of his life, the three sisters we're very close family, almost too close. Sometimes we were almost too close sometimes. My three sisters and I went to Florida and took care of him in his in his medical needs were complicated. And three of us just took on what we were best at. My sister Joanne, the youngest one, his twin is good at organizing shows, she would organize things. And everything was very organized. The medications were organized, our schedules were organized. My sister Marina who loves loves, loves animals. She's such a tender hearted woman. Well, my brother had 180 pound English master. And the dog ate only raw food because my brother was very fussy about what his dogs eat. And Marina, we prepare my sister is two and a half years younger, she would really take care of moose ducks name was moose. And she would feed him and make sure he was water bowls. I mean, Moose was a lot of work. It was like having another child and did things that were more around the emotional caretaking of my brother and made sure that every time he left his bed and came out into the main area, and he had this television screen, which was like, like a sports bar television screen, it was huge. And he would come and sit on the couch and blare it out. And I made sure that every time he came out and sat down, loose was on one side of him in a sister, any one of us, no matter what was going on, one of us had to be sitting next to him, like holding his hand or leaning up against what I leaned up against him. I really wanted him to feel and know our presence and our love was very, very moving. It was such a gift to be with him at the end such a gift and in many ways it both is in a funny way it bonded us the three sisters. It bonded us in a way nothing else could have done. And it also gave us some freedom from each other because I grew up in this enmeshed family, family that just to leave the family was felt like sometimes an act of betrayal to go to college felt for me like an act of betrayal. Somehow after Mark step, having had this very intense experience. We found our freedom to be more of who we were, as individuals. Previous Next

Aidan talks with Barbara about his family heritage and shares the meaning of his tattoos and their connection to his family. Aidan's Story Aidan talks with Barbara about his family heritage and shares the meaning of his tattoos and their connection to his family. Scroll to listen Aidan's Story 00:00 / 05:00