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Pat's Story

Pat speaks about her journey in Little Falls, Minnesota. Here, she went on a profound healing journey and learned the power of forgiveness. While in Little Falls she met a special friend who showed her what she had been longing for.

Pat's Story
00:00 / 04:43

So this was a bit of my experience at Little Falls. Every day in the time I was there, there was profound healing experiences, there was all kinds of exercises some would say exercisims ya know where I went back and new relations to my parents wrote letters to them from me and to them umm and I felt like okay Ive done this already ya know I have gone through all the hell of my childhood. Was this really worth the airfare? Um well as it turns out it really was okay so after I wrote letters about my rage and hurt I wrote letters from them to me explaining why they were such a mess and why they were such awful parents and that was a killer I could begin to really understand how miserable their lives were the empathetic ya know writing these letters was very powerful at the end of it we had a big ceremony to burn all of the letters letting them go, watching the ashes rise float away which was providing us with a bit of healing and a chance of freedom I hope. So after breakfast, we got our coats on and we were asked to line up outside no explanation of why the sisters who lived there the residents came out and walked our line, handing each of us two red carnations cynicism was creeping into my mind our assignment this was so weird was to walk in a line all 30 of us in silence to a cemetery that was on the property and once we got to the gate of the cemetery we were to disperse and find graves that might have been those of our parents whether they were actually alive or dead we would lay down our carnations and say a final goodbye okay for some reason this struck me absolutely ridiculous, ludicrous and as I watched the 29 other walk into this vast catholic cemetery to find their parents quote on quote parents graves I refused to participate I was rebeling enough already Ill show they I just stand here after some time I have no idea how long I got bored standing there along and decided to walk in and wonder amid the graves I hadnt walked 100 feet when I looked down and what I saw in this catholic cemetery in this monastery were 2 grave stones side by side with Jewish stars this was too weird to be a coidindence so I stopped I knelt down for a closer look and something broke in me something big it was like flood gates opened as I started to do as I was told and say goodbye and complete my assignment I started to sob I mean serious unstoppable sobs like years and years of sobs and as the tears fell on my carnations I felt such deep sadness for them, my parents, for me for lost opprotunites for all those years I felt reallt sad my mother had died young at 60 well before I had developed any understanding of her pain and the lonliness that caused her bahvior and Id never be able to tell her I understood and was sorry for my contributions to that I never had a chance to tell her I really loved her I have no idea how long I stood there sobbing years and years when suddenly I felt this very gentle arm around my shoulder a gentle touch which brought me back and i looked up to see that tiny frail indian women in her street clothes who looked to me for support earlier that week holding me with a betivic smile on her face she gently helped me up and held me for a few moments she said shed been worried when she didnt see me back at the house and became worried for me And as she held me and she stroked my hair im crying just thinking about it and told me that she loved me and in that moment I experienced unconditional love for the first time and I understood that above all else thats what id been weeping for.

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